All the suffering in the world arises out of wanting happiness for self.
All happiness in the world arises out of wanting happiness for others.
A reason why we are unhappy is that we are not true to ourselves.
Paradoxically, we are also untrue to ourselves when we are untrue to
others, as true sincerity to yourself naturally overflows to those
around you.
How (un)happily we relate to others is related to our happiness, since
much of our lives involves relating to others. When we speak of being
true to ourselves, it is usually mistaken that we should simply do
whatever we fancy for ourselves.
Obviously, this doesn't really bring happiness. If it does, we would
be perfectly happy already. This means we are doing the wrong things
to be happy. Being true means being aligned with the truth, qualities
of which include the realisation of generosity, loving-kindness and
wisdom. Often, happiness is sought through their opposites -
attachment (to personal happiness), aversion (to those who "threaten"
our happiness) and delusion (about what is happiness). Attachment and
aversion arise from this delusion, which keeps true happiness.
A common symptom of unhappiness is the complaint that we want
happiness, but others make us unhappy. The truth is no one other than
ourselves can make us unhappy. We are unhappy about others only when
we choose to relate to them in an unhappy manner. Flip this around and
it is equally true - those who "make" you unhappy should realise that
the cause of unhappiness is not you, but in how they choose to relate
to you. If our happiness is always determined by how others treat us,
how can we be truly happy? What if someone deluded thinks that making
you unhappy brings happiness for oneself?
Be generous, loving and wise to that person. Respond with sincerity.
Seek to understand and bring happiness to that person. Focus on
dissolving the person's unhappiness instead of being unhappy with how
that person is affecting you. This also dissolves your unhappiness
about that person. It's a win-win situation. Retaliating with aversion
would only perpetuate unhappiness on both sides.
What if those unhappy with us do not appreciate our sincerity? This is
still no cause for you to be unhappy. True sincerity expects no
reciprocation. It simply does what is right - that aligned to
happiness. There is happiness in knowing we are blameless, when we do
our best to bring others happiness. The only ones who hold our
happiness ransom is us.
For instance, if someone is unhappy with me for saying the Earth is
round, why should I be unhappy about that? The truth is that the Earth
is not flat. Others' unhappiness with the truth has no power to make
us unhappy if we are at peace with the truth. Likewise, others'
unhappiness with the trueness of our sincerity has no power to make us
unhappy. The options are obvious - If we do not choose to relate to
those unhappy with us happily, we choose to relate to them unhappily.
Our happiness first comes from how kindly and wisely we relate to the
universe; not how it treats us. Yet the kinder and wiser we are, the
kinder and wiser
To be unhappy, have expectations that others make you happy.
To be happy, make others happy without expectations.