Andre Knows Everyone
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Andre was bragging to his boss one day. "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff. "OK, Andre how about George Clooney?" Andre replied: "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Andre and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on George Clooney's door and sure enough, George Clooney shouts: "Andre! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Andre's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Clooney's house, he tells Andre that he thinks him knowing Clooney was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Andre says. "President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Andre says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go.
At the White House, Clinton spots Andre on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Andre, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Andre, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Andre. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome. Andre and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Andre says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Andre emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Andre returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss's side, Andre asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said: "Who the fuck's that on the balcony with Andre?" -
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