Applicable during hard times
-
> >Due to the current financial situation caused by the
> slowdown of economy
> in
> >the country since last Christmas, Management has
> decided to implement a
> >scheme to put workers of 40 years of age on early
> retirement. This scheme
> >will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
> >
> >Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to
> be eligible for
> the
> >SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
> Persons who have
> been
> >RAPED or SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW
> scheme (Scheme Covering
> >Retired Early Workers).
> >
> >A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED
> as many times as
> >Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been
> RAPED can only get
> AIDS
> >(Additional Income for Dependants or Spouses).or HERPES
> (Half Earnings for
> >Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons
> who have AIDS or
> >HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by
> management.
> >
> >Persons staying on will receive as much SH1T (Special
> High Intensity
> >Training) as possible. Management has always prided
> itself on the amount
> of
> >SH1T it gives employees. Should you feel that you do
> not receive enough
> >SH1T, please bring it to the attention of the
> supervisor. They have been
> >trained to give you all the SH1T you can handle.
> >
> >Have a good day
> >
> >Managing Director
-
-
