What a world we have!!
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What A Tangled Web We Weave
Coffee Shop | New York, , USA
(A customer had already ordered, picked up, and drank most of his drink. He then walked up to the counter and was very angry.)
Me: “How can I help you?”
Customer: “What the f*** is this?!” *points to his cup*
Me: “It looks like the drink I made you, and you seem to have already enjoyed it.”
Customer: “No smart-a**…this!” *pours the drink onto the counter and a key bounces out* “What the f*** is going on here?!”
Me: *alarmed* “I am SO sorry sir! When I made the drink, I know there wasn’t a key in it. Let me make you a new one.”
Customer: “Yeah! You f***in’ better make me a new f***in’ drink. This is complete bulls***! You’re lucky I don’t sue you and this coffee company!”
(I take the key and make him a new drink, and he goes and sits outside with his friends. The key wasn’t mine, so I started asking coworkers and customers. No one was claiming it. The customer walked up about 5 minutes later, bright red and embarrassed.)
Customer: “Yeah, uh…I’m going to need my car key back so I can go home….”
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Let He Who Is Strongest Make My Latte
Coffee Shop | Raleigh, NC, USA
(A perky old lady walks up and orders a drink. A staff member makes the drink, and I hand it to her.)
Customer: *disdainfully* “What is THIS?”
Me: “Umm… a drink?”
Customer: “‘A drink’? Don’t get smart with me! *pointing towards a staff member* “That greasy teen filled my order! I demand somebody else fill it! One who’s NOT greasy!”
(I was dumb-founded, but decided to line up all the employees in front of her for review - it was a slow day.)
Me: “Which of these do you find acceptable?”
Customer: *looks for a few minutes* “NONE! Maybe if you didn’t have so much fast food, you wouldn’t be so greasy!” *continues to “browse” through the line-up*
Coworker: *speaking up* “Hey lady, hurry up - you ain’t picking no gladiators!”
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Make That A Triple Non-Fat Sexy Latte
Coffee Shop | Vancouver, BC, Canada
(A woman walks into the coffee shop and orders a latte with “sexy” foam. I make what I thought was a latte with really “sexy” foam.)
Customer: “F***! This isn’t right. I want it with really sexy foam.”
Me: “Okay…”
(I make her another, with lots of really thick foam.)
Customer: “No, no! Sexy foam, really sexy foam!”
Me: “Okay, so less?”
Customer: “No, you know… sexy! Sexy foam!”
(I make her a third drink. This time less foam and more milk.)
Customer: “You don’t get it! I want sexy foam. Really sexy foam!”
Me: *giving up* “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!”
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Hoochie Grannies, Gotta Love ‘Em
Coffee Shop | Vancouver, BC, Canada
(A little old lady is getting coffee. She is wearing thick blue , eyeshadow pink circles of blush, and bright red lipstick.)
Me: “Here’s your coffee. That’ll be $2.75.”
Little old lady: *gives me a $20* “Keep the change, dear.”
Me: “That’s very generous, thank you!”
Little old lady: “After work, go buy yourself some makeup. Just because you work at a coffee shop doesn’t mean you have to look like a slob!”
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Sorry Jesus, Your Birthday’s Been Moved Up
Retail | Los Angeles, CA, USA
Me: “Hello sir, what can I get you?”
Customer: “Um… can I please have a mocha latte?”
Me: “Sure. That would be $3.50, please.”
(Five minutes later…)
Me: “Here you go, sir.”
Customer: “What is this? Why isn’t the cup red?”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Customer: “The cup. It’s usually red!”
Me: “I’m sorry, that is only around Christmas time.”
Customer: “What?! THEN MAKE IT CHRISTMAS TIME!”
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…And The Baristas Shall Inherit The Earth
Coffee Shop | El Paso, TX, USA
Me: Good morning, what can I get for you?
Customer: “Did you go to church today?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “Why not?! It’s Sunday and you should be giving thanks to the Lord! I don’t like this… let me speak to your manager NOW.”
Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t a Christian establishment where we are required to go to church.”
Customer: “Get your manager!”
Manager: “Yes, ma’am?”
Customer: “Why don’t your employees go to church on Sunday?! This is an outrage.”
Manager: “Well, if we did there would be no one here to make your delicious coffee when you get out of church.”
Customer: “Well, I guess that’s okay. I’ll let Jesus know that you guys are helping me so that you don’t go to Hell.”
If L’apostrophe, Then French
Coffee Shop | Queensland, Australia
(A very angry customer brings a small bag of instant coffee to the counter.)
Customer: “HOW DARE YOU STOCK THIS?!”
Me: “Um, I’m sorry… can I help you, sir?”
Customer: “This is Australia! How dare you support some French s*** in our country?!”
Me: “Excuse me, sir?”
Customer: “THIS!” *holds the bag out* “See! Right here: ‘Proudly Supporting Jun’ar Ne’ball In Australia.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it actually says, “Proudly supporting Junior Netball in Australia.”
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Around the world in 80days Epithets
Coffee Shop | Northern VA, USA
Me: “Good morning, ma’am. What can I get for you today?”
Customer: “Well hello dearie, what kind of mild coffee do you have today?”
Me: “Our light roast today is our Guatemala.”
Customer: “Oh no. I don’t want coffee made by [racial epithet].”
Me: “Um… well, our dark roast is our Ethiopian.
Customer: “I don’t want [another racial epithet] coffee either! Can’t you get me some American coffee?
Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, coffee beans don’t grow anywhere in America except Hawaii. And we don’t carry any kona.”
Customer: “Damn [yet another racial epithet]! Don’t want any of their coffee either. I just want some good old American coffee. That’s what I got last time.”
Me: “I’m sorry. Like I said, we don’t carry any coffee grown in America. Coffee doesn’t grow in the continental United States.”
Customer: “God d*** commies!” *storms off*
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The Epiphany To End All Epiphanies
Coffee Shop | San Jose, CA, USA
(A customer orders an iced drink. They usually come out with flat lids, but we were completely out and were forced to use the dome ones instead.)
Customer: “Why does this have a round lid on it? I want my drink with a flat lid instead.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re completely out of flat lids today.”
Customer: “But I want my round lid!”
Me: “I promise you, it will taste exactly the same.”
Customer: “Ooohhh…”
Behind Every Policy Is A Stupid Customer
Coffee Shop | Rockville, MD, USA
Customer: “I don’t want a lid.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s company policy. I have to serve your hot beverage with a lid on.”
Customer: “This is stupid.”
Me: “We don’t want you to burn yourself–”
Customer: “Then I’ll just blame you.”
Me: “… and that would be why we have the company policy.” -
urrrrrr.
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that so fun working in a place that serve coffee -
LOL
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Sexy foam? Sounds like she wants precum on her coffee.
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Originally posted by Uraniumfish:
Sexy foam? Sounds like she wants precum on her coffee.
funnier than the joke