Memo from HR manager
-
To all Employees, this memo is effective from October 2006
Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If
we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a pay raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.
Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should
be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the
company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that
they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Signed:
Your HR Manager who you always call an "asshole" -
-
Bravo.. make me want to go into HR.. so fun.
-
Wah liew...... wah lau...... Wah kor ....... and Wah Lan!!!!
Hai you wang fa?
-
Dont know whyOriginally posted by Gackt247:Bravo.. make me want to go into HR.. so fun.
Everyone I come across always hate the HR
They can have arguments before with the Finance chaps, the Marketing chaps, but they just hate the HR
And HR in business most of the time is lowly regarded -
Lol.. yep.. they are like DM of the school. MP of the army. The security during IMF.Originally posted by laurence82:Dont know why
Everyone I come across always hate the HR
They can have arguments before with the Finance chaps, the Marketing chaps, but they just hate the HR
And HR in business most of the time is lowly regarded -
From discplinary side?Originally posted by Gackt247:Lol.. yep.. they are like DM of the school. MP of the army. The security during IMF.
Most stories i heard are more towards things like screwing up your pay, refuse to approve your leave, do a bad performance appraisal, or refuse to pay for your expenses etc etc -
Nbz........This kind of company who will join...............
-
the Toilet part is hilarious.
-
Some pple qualify under the BOBIAN ACT.. so ended up in such companies..Originally posted by eg6stanley:Nbz........This kind of company who will join............... -
tsk tsk tsk.
usually its the HR dept who caused most of the politics in a company lor... they have the 'power' to complain about ur untrue conduct to the higher management and decide if u'd remains in the company or get SACKED!
-
Err, need to call out all my family member meh?Originally posted by :Wah liew...... wah lau...... Wah kor ....... and Wah Lan!!!!
Hai you wang fa? -
wow, nice rules, abit cruel though. come to think of it, some parts of it rather makes sense.
a boss would like it but an employee would hate it