Before the trip to Guangzhou, I went to the supermarket to do some shopping on the daily necessities. It was the eve of the Mid-Autumn Festival, the supermarket was filled with a joyous crowd. I suddenly felt a wall between the crowd and myself. All the joy and laughter had no relation to me ever since the day of her diagnosis.
I bought the items in the shopping list that was given to me by her. When I checked out at the cashier, I felt the weight of all the groceries. For all these years, all these grocery shopping had been done by her, alone. I had no idea how much a kilogram of rice costs, the price of a bottle of cooking oil. I never knew that it was so tiring to carry all these items from the supermarket to our home. I had always thought that I was the pillar of the house, only when she suddenly fell ill did I know that she was the backbone of the house.
When in Guangzhou, we spent the closest moments together since our marriage. In the three months, we were always beside each other, we laughed together, cried together. I couldn’t remember when was the last time we had such heart-to-heart talk, we felt so close. In the first month of treatment, her condition seemed to improve. We could even take occasional walks in the garden, with me holding on to her arm. We were remising the day we first met at the entrance of the People’s Park, our first show at the Victory Theater was an Italian movie titled “The Last Emotion”. She even remembered that it starred Sophie Roland. She told me that when I dated her for the movie, she had, in fact, watched the movie with her classmate. But she couldn’t bring herself to reject my offer, and that is why she watched the movie a second time with me. The last time that we remise of this moment was during our honeymoon. Talking about it now, its really sad, after all these years of marriage, we have never talked so much.
In that 3 months, I saw her thin and pallid, slowly withering… the special treatment failed to take effect on her. The day came when she can’t even finish a bowl of porridge. In the end, she told me :”I want to go home”. With that, we went back home, despaired.
When home, her condition turn from bad to worse. Moreover, the symptomic pains dreaded by all cancer patients crept in. She couldnÂ’t sleep the whole night, turning and moaning in pain. Even morphine fails to ease the agony. How I wish that I could suffer the pain on her behalf. Its just too much pain to be borne alone.
When she felt better, she would brief me of the household chores. Now did I realize the trivial details of household chores, the busy schedule she has all these while when she is at home. She even told me where to get my favorite rice hoof, which brand of undershirt I wear, and where to get them. Three days before her demise, she even taught me how to operate the washing machine. We bought this washing machine together, but all these years, she has been the only one operating it.(The author canÂ’t help but wept uncontrollably typing this).
Days before she left, she told me that she is glad that she married me and has never regretted doing so. The 3 months that we spent in Guangzhou was the happiest moments she had in her life. That 3 months is also my most treasured moments in my life. Even though because of this 3 months, I had lost my chance of promotion, lost a lot in material terms. But compared to the company that I shared with her, all these pales as worldly possessions. And luckily for the 3 months, else I would have lived in unrest conscience for the rest of my life.
She died a peaceful death, on that day, I told my son that mummy had gone to another place to wait for us. In future, we will all meet again in that same place, and all will still be the same, she will still be his mummy, I will still be his daddy, and he will still be our beloved son.
Now, I dread to see a happy family in trio. Every time I pass by the PeopleÂ’s Park, the place where Victory Theater was originally, the supermarket that we had been together, I just couldnÂ’t help but weep. Whenever I use the washing machine, operate the microwave oven, changing the seasonal clothes for our son, coming home late from work, cooking instant noodles for myself, waking up in the middle of the night to find myself a lone on the big bed, I feel like crying. When she was around, I had never felt specially blessed, she was just the woman I married, the mother of my child. But now that she is gone, the world seemed to crumple.
Before, when I watched shows about men who had lost their partners cried uncontrollably, I felt that it was to stir up feeling of the audience. But now, I cry with them. That day, I saw a blood donation drive going on the road, it reminded me of her again. There was once a departmental blood donation drive that needed my blood. On hearing that, she told me seriously : “Can I take your place? I need not work anyways, so I can rest at home?” But I laughed her off saying: “You crazy? I would be a laughing stock if others found out!” After my donation, she even cooked for me pork liver spinach soup and red bean lotus porridge. And I remember her telling our son :”Papa works hard to make money for the family, so papa is the most important person.” In fact, she is the most important person, without her, my son and I have lost the most important thing in the whole wide world-happiness.
I bought a resting place for her in the hills. I was grief struck when I used the red paint to write “Beloved wife” on the tombstone. I am not a man who is good in expressing my feelings. Throughout our courtship, I did not even say the word “LOVE” to her. I used to laugh at her for reading the QiongYao novels, or crying over those love scene in the movies, but now, I could only transcript the word “LOVE” on her tombstone. My beloved wife, if she could relive again, I am willing to say “I love you” time and time again. These three words that all ladies in the world would love to hear repeatedly from their beloved man. Why? Why didn’t I say it enough to her when she needed me to say it? When she was healthy?
I just want to tell all the healthy and happy living husbands, love and treasure your wife, spent more time with her, do not be blind to all that your wife has done for you. A lot of times, we only know how to treasure things after losing them.
Your wife is the person who love you most in your life, the one that understand you most, the woman who will give up everything for you. Most of all, no other man-woman relationship can be compared to husband-wife relationship.
Bottom line of the story is Always cherish and treasure your loved one where there are still around..... dont take them for granted ......
