Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain (Mr chin chye lai) welcoming you on board..... I apologise if I cannot see you...can see nothing from my c0ckpit anyway, lights not working....
We apologise for the delay in taking off, some minor problem, just replaced the engine, new engine cannibalised from the aircraft that decided to take a swim in the south china sea...
This is flight 126 from Senaisini to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the region. And if luck is on our side, we may even be landing on your village!
Standards are such that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure that I announce that starting this year over 50 of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don't quite make it, our staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our stewardess, Anjali, will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary samosas and lassi. For our not- so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God.
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie "Hands off my chutney" will not be shown, as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying alongside Singapore Airlines, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
We regret to advise that smoking is prohibited on this flight. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down. Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the Aunties and swimming shorts to the Uncles.......it is likely that you will need them later.
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. For those of you who don't have a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with our stewardess, Anjali, who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase, otherwise suka lu lah....
If I don't see you again, enjoy your flight with Air chin chye.
Thank you!
