1st thief: Oh! The police are here. Quick! Jump out of the window
2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief: Hurry! This is no time for superstitions.
--------------------------------------------------
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
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Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
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Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
------------------------------------------
Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
--------------------------------------------------
Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact, I'm just the right person in
this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!
--------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "How do u think Shakespeare wrote such masterpieces?"
College student: "With a pencil, madam, either a 2B or not 2B."
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"Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who
will be coming to school."
"That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say
when u told her u are the only child?"
"She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"
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Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
----------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "Chong, u missed school last Friday."
Chong: "You're wrong, Sir."
Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?"
Chong: "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't miss it!"
----------------------------------------------------
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between
'unlawful' and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan," said the teacher.
"慤nlawful’ is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal is
a sick eagle."
---------------------------------------------------
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24
hours to live.
Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be worse? What's the
very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
-----------------------------------------------------
Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: You've had an accident involving a train.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you
like to hear first?
Patient: Well... The bad news first...
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of
them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on
your slippers.
-----------------------------------------------------
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $90.00.
Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.
-----------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."
----------------------------------------------------
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do you mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"
