Dear Diary...
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now balanced liao....Originally posted by carpe diem jur:ooh... u not heavier on the left side liao arh... hahar !! Jur's in my last word in my nick leh... Carpe Diem Jur...
or u too used to call mi palapi liao... -_-"
psss.. Jur is my real name la... dun tel anybody !! LoLx...
yealor...too used calling you carpe palapi liao....
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Dear "Diary"(note the " "),
There are several issues coursing thru my usually lazy mind. I'm a usually reserved person. Keep-to-myself kinda person. There are times i really wish to express out my feelings n concerns. Tell someone wat seems to be eating me from inside out. But I juz dun seem to be able to bring myself to do so.
Sometimes I hate myself for forcing myself to go through struggles alone. BUt i must admit, it does make me more seemingly psychological n emotionally inert. I dont show it thru my appearance. But that definitely hasnt necessarily made me a stronger person. I may perpetually seem to be surrounded by pple but i constantly feel alone. I like solitude, physically. It gives me alot of personal space that i crave. Room to relax my soul n mind. But being the sole keeper of my baggage is tiring.
One of my faults for my a current situation would that I consider too much abt others' feelings, thoughts and expectations. Hence, so as not to hurt or to please them, I do things that r at my own expense. No matter how tactful a person may be, comments will always leave a mark on a person's feelings, ego etc.
I've loosen up alittle as time gone by, but still, I move ahead individually most of the time, trying to find my place in this world. -
Heyy dad....hahaha.....erm..i noe...i was abit emotional in my decision...I actually regretted after saying it....soo not ratinal....buit now tings are better....i think things fall nicely in place for me...so yea...I thnak God for that...btw, thanks for the advice yea?Originally posted by Gackt247:Hmm.. i hope u have made a right choice coz things in this world arent tt simple, carefree an innocent as u think it is. Independence isn't necessarily a good thing for the responsibilities that come with it may juz be too daunting. However, time can change the outcome. So before jumping on a conclusion, probably u would want to think abt when is the ideal time for u fly. Coz i wouldnt want u fall even before u know how to flap ur wings. Be objective and rational with ur thoughts n not let emotions dictate ur decisions.
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Dear Diary,
Things got a turn for the better yesterday night...My prents suddenly just gave in to me...I duuno why...I thank God for this..looking back, i actually think i'm very blessed....Good things always happen to me...esp after a series of bad things...I now think that if bad things ever happen...i just need to hold on a little longer...cause i noe good things will come any moment soon...God will never abandon me...
Okay the bad stuff...yesterday night i just found out..that my bf is a womanizer....He can't keep to one woman...I admit i appreciate his honesty and bluntness...But this will change alot of tings abt my mindset in this relationship...I dunno whether what he said was suppossed to be a trigger for me to break up with him...or he's just being plain honest...But whatever it is, i can see that this relationship is not coming to a good end...meanwhile, i'm taking things easy...i gave up in that thought that there will be a nice guy who'll just love you wholeheartedly without thinking or loking at other women...who can promise you forever and love you till the end..i totally gave up in that...cause there's just no such thing...it's nice to dream but when reality comes, it's time to face it...I found out that you really cannot trust a guy with anyhting...his words contradict everything he said innitially....So if he ever ask me why i'm not fully committed in the relationship, that would be cause i noe if i do, i'll hurt myself in the end...again....Are men liars???i think so...but i have not yet to find ot a suitable "proof" for that in him...
Just had a nightmare yesterday night...I cant find him...can't contact him...Then i woke up to see him sms, saying he can't mee today with the excuse of work...I'll try to follow my heart frm now on...at that moment, my feelings was, he's goin out with someone else...but now, i won't really care anymore...cause i'm really tired...tired in chasing for sumthin that doesn't even exist...i might as well close one blind eye and pretend i did not see anything... -
oh and i forgot to add, i meant the people in america, your sentence about before ciricizing someone.. i get what you mean, im saying in general, the people that i have met, they are mainly materialistic, i have experienced it myself. also, yes, i have their shoes. =DOriginally posted by carpe diem jur:I get what u mean... but one thing I've learnt is, "Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes.... This way, you're a mile away when you criticize them and you have their shoes." -
date: 4th of september 2005
time: 12:27 am
location: usa/georgia/duluth/glenhurst/bedroom
ok, so yes i just came back from the gym, today was pretty fun. went for drums in the morning, and then worked for my aunt. oops, i meant, getting taken advantage of being a nephew. right, so the weekend is going to have a monday off to complement labour day. this is so exciting, another day without school. ever since school started on the 16th of august, i am still in the summer holiday mood, dreaming of the beaches, the waves, and the stars.
school has been pretty good so far, 8 more months (and counting) before i get back to singapore. looking forward to project graduation. -
you have to confront him, you cant let the cut grow deeper and deeperOriginally posted by Pr|nCeSsNeZz:Dear Diary,
Things got a turn for the better yesterday night...My prents suddenly just gave in to me...I duuno why...I thank God for this..looking back, i actually think i'm very blessed....Good things always happen to me...esp after a series of bad things...I now think that if bad things ever happen...i just need to hold on a little longer...cause i noe good things will come any moment soon...God will never abandon me...
Okay the bad stuff...yesterday night i just found out..that my bf is a womanizer....He can't keep to one woman...I admit i appreciate his honesty and bluntness...But this will change alot of tings abt my mindset in this relationship...I dunno whether what he said was suppossed to be a trigger for me to break up with him...or he's just being plain honest...But whatever it is, i can see that this relationship is not coming to a good end...meanwhile, i'm taking things easy...i gave up in that thought that there will be a nice guy who'll just love you wholeheartedly without thinking or loking at other women...who can promise you forever and love you till the end..i totally gave up in that...cause there's just no such thing...it's nice to dream but when reality comes, it's time to face it...I found out that you really cannot trust a guy with anyhting...his words contradict everything he said innitially....So if he ever ask me why i'm not fully committed in the relationship, that would be cause i noe if i do, i'll hurt myself in the end...again....Are men liars???i think so...but i have not yet to find ot a suitable "proof" for that in him...
Just had a nightmare yesterday night...I cant find him...can't contact him...Then i woke up to see him sms, saying he can't mee today with the excuse of work...I'll try to follow my heart frm now on...at that moment, my feelings was, he's goin out with someone else...but now, i won't really care anymore...cause i'm really tired...tired in chasing for sumthin that doesn't even exist...i might as well close one blind eye and pretend i did not see anything... -
Dear Diary,
I went to the shop to meet that girl. Surprise surprise she from same hometown as me. But my instinct tell me its not right time. She is like a flower, and its not the right time to pick it yet. My friends say she is a playgirl..using guys. Now Im just thinking..how do you chase a playgirl? Hmm.. I need to find out more info on her
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Welcome welcome.. i'm glad u have sort things out.Originally posted by Pr|nCeSsNeZz:Heyy dad....hahaha.....erm..i noe...i was abit emotional in my decision...I actually regretted after saying it....soo not ratinal....buit now tings are better....i think things fall nicely in place for me...so yea...I thnak God for that...btw, thanks for the advice yea? -
U dun really need advice coz i believe u do know wat u should do. U probably juz need an added push to do wat u see fit.Originally posted by Pr|nCeSsNeZz:Dear Diary,
Things got a turn for the better yesterday night...My prents suddenly just gave in to me...I duuno why...I thank God for this..looking back, i actually think i'm very blessed....Good things always happen to me...esp after a series of bad things...I now think that if bad things ever happen...i just need to hold on a little longer...cause i noe good things will come any moment soon...God will never abandon me...
Okay the bad stuff...yesterday night i just found out..that my bf is a womanizer....He can't keep to one woman...I admit i appreciate his honesty and bluntness...But this will change alot of tings abt my mindset in this relationship...I dunno whether what he said was suppossed to be a trigger for me to break up with him...or he's just being plain honest...But whatever it is, i can see that this relationship is not coming to a good end...meanwhile, i'm taking things easy...i gave up in that thought that there will be a nice guy who'll just love you wholeheartedly without thinking or loking at other women...who can promise you forever and love you till the end..i totally gave up in that...cause there's just no such thing...it's nice to dream but when reality comes, it's time to face it...I found out that you really cannot trust a guy with anyhting...his words contradict everything he said innitially....So if he ever ask me why i'm not fully committed in the relationship, that would be cause i noe if i do, i'll hurt myself in the end...again....Are men liars???i think so...but i have not yet to find ot a suitable "proof" for that in him...
Just had a nightmare yesterday night...I cant find him...can't contact him...Then i woke up to see him sms, saying he can't mee today with the excuse of work...I'll try to follow my heart frm now on...at that moment, my feelings was, he's goin out with someone else...but now, i won't really care anymore...cause i'm really tired...tired in chasing for sumthin that doesn't even exist...i might as well close one blind eye and pretend i did not see anything... -
Honestly...I dunno where am i going...I dunno wat to do cause my mind is always split into 2...but anyways, i'll see to it first...i mena the bigger picture...I'll look for you and mum for advice if i can't sort it out in the end...Originally posted by Gackt247:U dun really need advice coz i believe u do know wat u should do. U probably juz need an added push to do wat u see fit.
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Dear Diary,
Spent the whole night laughing and chi chatting with "mummy"....That was like the most fun Sunday i ever had...Used to hate Sundays cause it's the end of a great week...and then Monday will come along, and it's gonna be another long week ahead...But at least having "mummy" till this morning made a good fresh start of the week...I pretty much have plans for th whole week..I love it when my weekdays are packed...I guess what i hate most abt staying at home is the four walls i have to face...They give me the sense of imprisonment and loneliness...
I'm meeting W tonight...for Charlie's burgers..We sorted things out yesterday night...I was so avoiding his calls and his sms....Until he msned me and said he was damn worried...he stayed up till 2 plus in the morning to wait for my call...i thought that i should just forgive him...after all, i was also being too unreasonable...Not allowing him to explain...always giving him a hard time..But i really like it when he patiently listen to me throwing my tantrums at him...And yesterday was the first unemotional quarrel we've ever had...
Received word from my mum that i have to go back to Indonesia on the 18th...sigh... It's gonna be so boring...and i'm gonna be all insecure again...cause there's no way i can contact W...and prob, he's off "socializing" somewhere else...i guess things will change more after i come back...once he start hanging with his group of friends...or gal friends...Te worst part is, when i need the most comfort, my greatest circle of trust are not with me...and there's no way to contact them either...sigh.... I dun wanna go back!!!
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Dear Diary,
Im angry again...I just sorted things out with him this morning...and just 2 hrs ago, he told me he lost his hp and he can't contact me...!!!!!first kind of nonsense i've ever heard...I dunno how to check for proof for this also...coz i dunno any of his frenz...and he knows who i'm close with so he can disclose it frm those ppl...smart of him to do so...i think the only person not making this relationship wrk out is him...if he's gonna kick me out just like dat, i'll stick to him and suck him like a leech...i'll never let another guy go so easily like da\t anymore...no more forgiveness....i've been too hurt already...i'll never leave him unless i have hurt him so badly...and when he needs me most, i'll leave him...i juts can't take this anymore...how can it be soo damn coincidental that he lost his hp the very day he talked to me...in sch!!!!which idiot is that....most prob is so that he can shrug me off cause thats the only way to contact him...and he can meet his othr women to "socialize" with...
ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!
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Dear Diary,
Went out with W last noght...But things didn't get better...I kept quiet because i was feeling unwell...And it gives the funny awkward atmosphere to both of us...Later on i tot i had to say sumthin...But the words i said came out wrong...And it hurt his feelings instead...I can see his eyes turning red...like as if he was really hurt...I felt bad, but i din noe why...my ego disallowed me to apologize....even later at night after he drove me home...when he was waiting for me to say sumthin...I just got out of the car and slammed the door....And later when i saw him again on MSN, i ignored him and set myself on away mode... I felt like i've wasted 2 chances that he gave me...I should have said sorry when i could...I hope things will turn out for the better... -
Dear Diary....
Have been pumping myself with too much coffee because I had a drink too much and ended up sleepless now... People have been telling mi that I should be myself, and they presumed that I have been pretencious all along... Why should I be lying to them anyway?? To mi, everything is just temporary, a character of a person changes overnyt... Changes in life is not so much what happens to u, where u live and all that other external bullshit so much, I still think that its all about what u feel and how u perceive the world around u... U decide ur own fate...
The extraordinary thing about life is that U are the author of ur own destiny and U are the director for it too... And the way I see it, my perception of the world is gud enough for mi... Living can be a drag as it is... All the nonsence we have to deal with everyday, and irritataing annoying people that are so full of themselves u wished u could give them a BIG tight slap, esp the customer who pissed mi off so much at workj just now... "Cool" I told myself... I am calmer than I thought I would be... Eventually, we need every little bit of something we like to make life seem easier...
The mysterious person I have been talking about finally sms-ed mi regardless his busy schedule... I was caught by surprise and felt kinda loved deep down... Somehow it feels so right... Love is a burden from the people u dun want love from, but it feels so freaking sweet from affection, care and all loving stuffs from people u do want... A lil' message or phone call from him makes mi feel happy, relaxed, and like I wanna to spend more tym with him, I missed him so much, which is a nice feeling... Its just like food to body, not too much, not too little, u just have to strike the balance, and u know it is essential !!
Love,
Jur -
Dear Diary....
I'm so freaking tired from work... Feeling totally edgy for the entire day today... No idea why but I'm exhausted and easily irritated... Its like I got really annoyed when people talk to mi, and I just dont feel like talking at all... Peace.
Was doing my work as expected of mi and out of nowhere a customer scolded mi, for an hour long !! What EXACTLY is wrong with these people?? I've done nothing to them, I don't know them, and I have done nothing wrong !! I am so pissed and as if my mood isnt bad enuff, I ignored him and walked away, ended up he went to my boss and complain about my fark face and bad attitude... It is NOT true !! Whay are these people so weird?? I have done my work but if my boss doesnt believe in mi, nothing I can do...
I AM TIRED !!!
Jur -
Aiyo.. so jialat ah.. ok ok.. larling comfort u ok.. free massage included in the package ok..Originally posted by carpe diem jur:Dear Diary....
I'm so freaking tired from work... Feeling totally edgy for the entire day today... No idea why but I'm exhausted and easily irritated... Its like I got really annoyed when people talk to mi, and I just dont feel like talking at all... Peace.
Was doing my work as expected of mi and out of nowhere a customer scolded mi, for an hour long !! What EXACTLY is wrong with these people?? I've done nothing to them, I don't know them, and I have done nothing wrong !! I am so pissed and as if my mood isnt bad enuff, I ignored him and walked away, ended up he went to my boss and complain about my fark face and bad attitude... It is NOT true !! Whay are these people so weird?? I have done my work but if my boss doesnt believe in mi, nothing I can do...
I AM TIRED !!!
Jur
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hmm, i feel your pain, sometimes, working can be really degrading. i have experienced such Shit before. although customers never complain about me before, because although customers are demanding, i still try my best to help them and stuff. however, my aunt, also my boss.. will say this say that.. and alot of stuff.. which i find is very unnecessary. this makes it harder for me as we live under the same roof, and even though she says she pays me, its almost like i work for her for free. im supposed to get 120 USD per day as i only work every saturday, even though previously the person who had my job was paid 180 USD. the previous worker really Sucked, and im doing a much better job than he is. every saturday, i only get around 20 bux or so.. my aunt will say, just take this money first.Originally posted by carpe diem jur:Dear Diary....
I'm so freaking tired from work... Feeling totally edgy for the entire day today... No idea why but I'm exhausted and easily irritated... Its like I got really annoyed when people talk to mi, and I just dont feel like talking at all... Peace.
Was doing my work as expected of mi and out of nowhere a customer scolded mi, for an hour long !! What EXACTLY is wrong with these people?? I've done nothing to them, I don't know them, and I have done nothing wrong !! I am so pissed and as if my mood isnt bad enuff, I ignored him and walked away, ended up he went to my boss and complain about my fark face and bad attitude... It is NOT true !! Whay are these people so weird?? I have done my work but if my boss doesnt believe in mi, nothing I can do...
I AM TIRED !!!
Jur
the worst part comes is when, usually on saturdays, we will be watching movies and stuff, together with my cousins. my aunt will then say, " coffeeortea, just now i give u the money, use it for the movies. " im like, yay -
Dear Diary....
Nothing is ever easy...
I suppose I'm utterly disappointed with the way I'm being treated... Which is that bad actually... Urgh !! I dont wanna start criticizing or b!tching about anyone... I'll never be able to understand why they do the things they do anyway...
I'm so exhausted...
Jur -
Dear Diary
I've exhausted all avenues of help that won't get me into trouble. I'm stuck in a hole I can't get out of, and everyone is giving me the same advice. Maybe I'm just plain stubborn, only wanting to hear the answer I want to hear...but that solution is rather drastic and troublesome. Sometimes even more foolish means seem quite attractive. I'm hoping there's a better one out there. Time's running out, and I feel powerless. My heart and mind are so noisy I can't discern the path God's telling me to take.
Nicholas -
Kinda vague. Care to share ur troubles with me bro? How abt next wkend? Dun brood over ur problems too much ya..Originally posted by Kuali Baba:Dear Diary
I've exhausted all avenues of help that won't get me into trouble. I'm stuck in a hole I can't get out of, and everyone is giving me the same advice. Maybe I'm just plain stubborn, only wanting to hear the answer I want to hear...but that solution is rather drastic and troublesome. Sometimes even more foolish means seem quite attractive. I'm hoping there's a better one out there. Time's running out, and I feel powerless. My heart and mind are so noisy I can't discern the path God's telling me to take.
Nicholas -
Sumtimes i do feel like you too...You'll get over this in time...time always solve everything...Originally posted by Kuali Baba:Dear Diary
I've exhausted all avenues of help that won't get me into trouble. I'm stuck in a hole I can't get out of, and everyone is giving me the same advice. Maybe I'm just plain stubborn, only wanting to hear the answer I want to hear...but that solution is rather drastic and troublesome. Sometimes even more foolish means seem quite attractive. I'm hoping there's a better one out there. Time's running out, and I feel powerless. My heart and mind are so noisy I can't discern the path God's telling me to take.
Nicholas -
Dear Diary,
i had this inside me for a very long time...juz that i could not take it anymroe...
well, we were together for 10 months before we broke up last month, and the best part, it was days before my birthday. so my birthday juz went by as per normal day this yr...not tt it is significant, but because of a promise by her: she will spend every birthday w me. wateva, throughout the period tt we were single, i dun deny i had flings and flirt around. but deep inside me, it is her tt i always wanted. i begged, prayed, even go against my principles to get her back, but to no avail. however, at the end of last mth, she wanted to patch back. at 1st i was against it, i dunwan to be hurt again. but nonetheless, i granted her and we patch back. i put in 101% effort to let this relationship get back into shape..
however, due to miscommunications and insecurities on my side, she brought up the issue of breaking up again...dammit, i'm at a complete lost.. the person whom i loved so much and whom loved me so dearly, can change into someone so cold-hearted.. she claimed her feelings for me is gone, she's still young and wild, she wanna enjoy life while young...i'm "cheng xim" already, i told her, "please, fcuk off my life. i dun need such a ger in my life who constantly break my heart and take me for a fool"...
m i juz a fool, or i'm juz unlucky in relationship???
ken -
mi wanna look for new wifey today...anyone wanna volunteer?
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dan u should be posting this in our Wish List thread... see if anyone wants to grant ur wish... hee hee...Originally posted by sgboy2004:mi wanna look for new wifey today...anyone wanna volunteer?
ooh, by the way i remembered someone explained to mi before that the word, wifey (not wife), refers to a slu.t or a second woman...