There are many Christians in the Church who are struggling with unwanted homosexual thoughts, feelings and desires. They are repentant, they want to change, but do not know how to.
Let us offer help and hope for these homosexuals to overcome their homosexual tendencies.
I personally recommend counselling, psychotherapy, and having close male heterosexual friends for moral, emotional and spiritual support.
For those who are closeted and fear disclosing their identities lest they face discrimination, here is an informative website:
Yupp God created adam and eve not adam and steve.
We must be compassionate to homosexuals.
Homosexuals did NOT choose their homosexual orientation. Because of a combination of biological, environmental and cultural factors, homosexuals develop their sexual orientation. Homosexuality can be, therefore, considered to be a developmental disorder.
Nobody is "born" a homosexual -- a person BECOMES a homosexual. It is a process. It takes time.
Similarly, change also takes time. The homosexual who struggles must persevere in his fight and be patient.
There is help, there is HOPE.
May God help repentant homosexuals in their fight of faith.
I personally recommend counselling, psychotherapy, and having close male heterosexual friends for moral, emotional and spiritual support.
For those who are closeted and fear disclosing their identities lest they face discrimination, here is an informative website:
:: Sexualization of Emotional Needs
Sexual needs are natural to sexual beings. They are the result of the biological drive and the human need for romantic intimacy. There is nothing unhealthy or unusual about them.
Sexualized needs, however, run a different course. These emotional needs are expressed indirectly through sexual activity, acted out through a sort of sexual pantomime. The needs themselves are usually legitimate, but the vehicle used to express them is not. We can see several examples of sexualized emotional needs in everyday life. Plenty of men use sex as a means of reassuring themselves that they are virile, competent, masculine. They delight in sexually conquering women, then bragging about their conquests to other men, causing them to feel manly and complete. Of course, their desire for confidence is a legitimate, understandable one. But sexually exploiting women is an illegitimate means of satisfying that desire. Likewise, many women are promiscuous not because they are sex-starved, but because during sex they are made to feel special and cared for. Again, their needs are perfectly normal, but their method of satisfying those needs is immoral, even dangerous.
This is true of other emotional needs that people express indirectly. Some people, for example, try meeting their need for comfort through food, gorging themselves whenever they are depressed or angry. The use of food has become their emotional outlet, and eating disorders may result. Other people sexualize objects rather than people, finding erotic excitement through fetishes (shoes, leather items, etc.). No one can say exactly why people prefer those methods. All that can be said is that somewhere along the line they found a combination of emotional and sexual fulfillment through unnatural means. What they are seeking — comfort, peace of mind, sexual pleasure — is not wrong in and of itself. It’s the way they’re seeking it that is unnatural.
Exactly how and under what circumstances do these needs become sexualized? Why are they sexualized in some people but not in others? No one can say for sure. We do know that erotic feelings provide some of our earliest experiences of pleasure. Infants and children explore their bodies, lingering over the body parts that feel especially good. This gives them a sense of warmth and comfort, the “good” spots providing especially pleasurable sensations. I believe that we associate warm, positive feelings with sexual response long before we even know what sex is, because we associate our sexual organs with pleasure and comfort.
It should be no surprise, then, that when a person longs for intimacy with another, that longing may include a desire to share sexual pleasure. For most people, that longing is directed toward members of the opposite sex. Normal development usually includes, as stated earlier, an early phase of bonding with the same sex. By the time this need for same-sex bonding has been satisfied and the child is ready for relations with the opposite sex, he is also entering puberty with its accompanying sexual drives. Perfect timing! Right when we’re emotionally prepared for romantic love, our bodies are following suit.
But what happens when we’re not emotionally prepared for relationships with the opposite sex? What if, by the time we reach puberty, our need for same-sex love is still unsatisfied and predominant? Our bodies won’t wait for our emotions to catch up. Instead, we may develop strong sexual desires which may cross, like wires, with our emotional needs. In that case, the emotional need for closeness and identification with other people of our sex becomes a sexualized need, with members of our own sex being the object of both our sexual and emotional desires.
And so the emotional responses to early perceptions become sexual responses as well. The need for bonding and identifying with the same sex, accelerated by gender identity problems, becomes a sexual desire. The need to find an ideal male/female figure becomes a need to sexually merge with that figure. And the need for a nurturer, mentor, or comrade becomes a desire for sex with a nurturer, mentor, or comrade.
All of which raises our original question: Why you? No one can say without really knowing both you and your background. But based on what we have seen thus far — some prevalent theories and the experiences of others like you — we can make some educated guesses.
It probably started with your perceptions. You began to see yourself as a child without resources. You know better than I exactly what resources you were lacking: affirmation, attention, a figure to identify with, or maybe a combination of all three. You couldn’t articulate it back then; you only knew that something was missing. And that “something” probably centred around a need for stronger bond with those of your own sex. Maybe you felt different from your peers or alienated from one or both of your parents, most noticeably the one of your own gender. That hurt, no doubt. You wanted closeness; you felt distance. You can’t really say, perhaps, who is to bless or who is to blame. Maybe there was obvious rejection; maybe not. But the result is the same either way.
Maybe you responded by withdrawing, creating your own world of safety and fantasy. Or perhaps you simply waited for someone special to love you and take care of you. You may even have become angry, resolving to never again let yourself feel hurt or rejected by another member of your own sex. Each of these responses affected your relationships with other boys/girls and, eventually, with other men and women. You felt different from them, too. They may never have known your feelings of differentness, but you were all too aware of them. They persisted, giving rise to an aching desire to bond, to be close, to feel accepted.
At some point, perhaps very early, maybe later, you realized that this desire was more than emotional. It was accompanied by sexual longings. Most likely, you were aware of those longings before you even knew what homosexuality was. Then one day you heard the word queer or fag, pondered its meaning, put two and two together, and realized you were one of “them.” It became your secret, most likely difficult to keep and even more difficult to bear. You didn’t ask for these feelings, but you learned that they were unacceptable to most people. That didn’t encourage you to talk them over with anyone, even those closest to you. Your secret became your private burden, one you carried for years. Perhaps even to this day.
So for you, homosexuality, whether expressed through actions or fantasies, represents legitimate emotional needs that have not been satisfied through normal means. You are not mentally ill, reprobate, or retarded. In fact, you may be a highly capable adult who functions well in most areas. But at some point you have found deep satisfaction through homosexual feeling.
Remember, homosexuality has served a function for you. Now is the time to do some serious, reflective thinking. What exactly has that function been? What kind of satisfaction have you found through your homosexual fantasies or actions? Only you can answer these questions. When you do, you will know not only what you have been seeking, but also what you still need. Count on it — giving up homosexual contacts will not kill the emotional needs that led to them in the first place. More than ever, you need to meet them legitimately as fully as possible. ::
Emotional Responses to Early Perceptions
The response to an early perception of rejection may take three forms, all of which can contribute to homosexuality: problems of gender identity, an idealized image, or same-sex deficits. 1. Problems of gender identity. Your gender identity is your basic sense or perception of your masculinity or femininity. Money and Ehrhardt describe it as “the private experience of gender role, and gender role is the public expression of gender identity.” Your gender role is the role your culture expects you to play as a man or woman, so of course it varies from culture to culture. Your gender identity is determined by your confidence in that role. Since our society places a high premium on gender roles, your ability or inability to fulfill them seriously affects your general well-being.
Gender Identity Disorder is a clinical term describing a serious conflict between a person’s assigned gender (male or female) and his desired gender. This disorder may show itself in transsexualism, or the desire of a man to actually be a woman, and vice versa. But Gender Identity Disorder is a far cry from homosexuality and is not commonly found among homosexually oriented adults.
But Dr. Friedman points out that feelings of being unmasculine or unfeminine are common among such adults. He proposes that unmasculinity, for example, is not necessarily femininity, but a lack of confidence in a boy’s/man’s own ability to fulfill the masculine role. This unmasculine or unfeminine experience, which I consider to be a problem of gender identity rather than a Gender Identity Disorder, has been noted by a number of investigators. Ten studies cited by Friedman, conducted between 1962 and 1984, have turned up the same results: a link between problems of gender identity and adult homosexuality (Friedman, 1988).
For example in 1981 Bell, Weinberg, and Hammersmith interviewed 979 homosexual men and 477 heterosexual men to determine which developmental ingredients may affect sexual orientation. Among their findings was evidence that “gender nonconformity” (their term) was closely linked to homosexuality:
Even among non-effeminate homosexual men this Dislike of Boys Activities is the strongest predictor of Adult Homosexuality. While their nonconformity may not have been so obvious either when they were growing up or in adulthood, it would appear that where they thought they stood on a masculine-feminine continuum when they were young was predictive of their eventual sexual orientation (Bell, Weinberg, and Hammersmith, Sexual Preference: Its Development in Men and Women, 1981).
How does this problem of gender identity come about? Like homosexuality, it is not inborn, but acquired through interactions, perceptions and responses. A secure masculine or feminine identity usually develops through bonding with an older figure of the same sex, usually the father or mother and emulating that older figure.
As mentioned earlier, the child views the parent as “right”; that is, if the parent seems to reject the child, the child assume it’s his fault, not the parent’s. This can undermine a child’s confidence not only as a person but also as a boy or girl. Problems of gender identity, then, begin with the child’s belief that he is unacceptable to the parent of his sex, and therefore unacceptable to all members of his sex. This robs him of confidence to fulfil his gender role, having felt no invitation to emulate and identify with his father or she with her mother, leading to acute feelings of unmasculinity or unfemininity.
These feelings are confirmed during later development. After all, confidence with peers is largely determined by confidence at home. So if a boy feels ill-equipped to deal with other boys through traditional masculine activities, he will be inclined to avoid those activities, which disrupts his abilities to bond with other boys, which reinforces his belief that he is unmasculine.
2. Idealized image. It’s not uncommon for children to idealize their parents; in fact, it’s uncommon for them not to. After all, Daddy looks pretty big and powerful to a little boy, and Mommy looks beautiful and competent to a little girl. Children naturally want to be like thier same-sex parents, at least for a time, They see them as powerful, wise, and ideal.
Normal development allows for a gradual disappointment in our parents. If you’re a parent you know that, sooner or later, you’re going to blow it. You cannot possibly be the perfect mom or dad your kids want you to be. So eventually, to some degree, they will be disappointed in you just as, to some degree, you have been disappointed in your own parents.
That is actually good for us, because through disappointment we become more realistic and mature. We learn through this disappointment to accept people’s limitations. And so a child’s ideal image of his father or mother gradually changes to a more realistic viewpoint. As he grows, he is able to see his parents’ imperfections, but since he is growing emotionally as well as physically, he can handle the knowledge that they are not perfect. That is basic process: As we grow, biologically and emotionally, we learn to accept hard realities like death, injustice, and our parents’ imperfections. The more we mature, the better able we are to let go of our early idealism.
At times, through, this process is aborted by early trauma. If a child is shocked by a sudden rejection from a parent or a parent’s early disappearnace, he might not have the capacity to handle the loss. Instead of gradually relinquishing the ideal image he had of his father, he may cling to it, hoping to someday find it again in somebody else.
3. Same-sex deficits. There is a period of life, usually between early childhood and preadolescence, during which we almost exclusively seek out members of our own sex. Boys cluster with boys, and girls cling to each other. Sometimes kids express an almost-lighthearted contempt for each other. Little boys think girls are “weird”; the girls think the little boys have “cooties.” That’s normal, even necessary. Our identity as male or female is solidified when we bond with our own gender. Only when our need for bonding with the same sex has been fulfilled can we move on to relationships with the opposite sex.
During this period I believe there are three kinds of relationships with our own sex that we especially need: a nurturer, a mentor, and a comrade.
Our same-sex nurturer will usually be our parent of the same sex. This parent welcomes us to bond with him, making us feel comfortable and accepted in his presence. Our relationship with him is marked by physical affection, play, and intimate caring. He delights in us, giving us a sense of specialness. As we become secure in his love, we develop an early conviction that we’re okay as males or females, perfectly acceptable and lovable to our same-sex nurturer and therefore to other members of our own sex.
Our same-sex mentor may also be a parent, or perhaps an instructor, coach, music teacher, older child, or any adult figure who takes a special interest in us. Through our mentor we are gradually initiated into our gender role. No matter what technical role our mentor plays (teacher, coach, big brother, etc.) our relationship with him increases our confidence with members of our sex outside of our family. His relationship is less nurturing and more instructional. He expects more out of us than our nurturer and challenges us to further develop our masculinity. He provides us with a sort of “rite of passage.”
Same-sex comrades are vital to a healthy personality. Our comrades mirror us, compete with us, bond with us, and make us feel like “one of the guys.” We grow with them, sharing our experiences of school, puberty, dating, social struggles, and so forth. They stabilize us. And our relationship with comrades spurs us on, because we inevitably compare ourselves to them, creating a healthy competition. Through our comrades we learn to feel good about ourselves and comfortable with our own sex.
If we lack any or all of these relationships, we develop what psychologist Elizabeth Moberly calls “same-sex deficits.” In her book Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic she stresses the importance of same-sex love between parent and child, and theorizes that the homosexual urge is an attempt to make up for deficiencies in the early father-son, mother-daughter relationship.
Because of those deficiencies, a child may feel that the normal avenues for same-sex love (nurturing, mentoring, comradeship) are not available to him. He thinks, because of parental rejections, that he is not qualified to engage in normal friendships with his peers. This prohibits the very thing he needs the most: love from and closeness to members of the same sex. He wants it so badly, yet he feels that if he tries to get it he will experience further rejection. This leaves him in a quandary: legitimate same-sex intimacy has become the thing he wants the most, yet he avoids the normal activities that provide it because he feels as though any attempts to participate in those activities will fail, leaving him lonely and in pain.
He responds with what Moberly calls “defensive detachment.” He detaches himself from his peers and the parent of the same sex because attempting to relate to them causes him pain. Although such relating could be the source of healing for him, he sees it as threatening, avoiding it because he refuses to reexperience the hurt he is sure will come.
He may comfort himself with isolation or by devaluing his father and peers (”They’re jerks anyway. Who needs them?”), often rejecting the very masculinity they symbolize. In a way, this protective device works well. By taking no chances, he avoids further rejection. At least he remains emotionally safe.
But his “safety zone” of isolation doesn’t kill his ever-deepening need for intimacy. In fact, the more he isolates himself, the stronger that need grows. This is not homosexuality, mind you; rather, it is the legitimate, normal need for bonding that all of us have experienced. In this case, though, the need has grown and remained unsatisfied. In each of the above cases, certain emotional responses were influenced by the perceptions a child had of himself, his parents, and others of his sex. And these responses inevitably gave way to deep and unsatisfied needs. Emotional response to early perceptions, whether they take the form of gender identity problems, idealized images, or same-sex deficits, leave a child with specific needs for intimacy with his own sex.
Originally posted by thetruthsetsyoufree:We must be compassionate to homosexuals.
Homosexuals did NOT choose their homosexual orientation. Because of a combination of biological, environmental and cultural factors, homosexuals develop their sexual orientation. Homosexuality can be, therefore, considered to be a developmental disorder.
Nobody is "born" a homosexual -- a person BECOMES a homosexual. It is a process. It takes time.
Similarly, change also takes time. The homosexual who struggles must persevere in his fight and be patient.
There is help, there is HOPE.
May God help repentant homosexuals in their fight of faith.
I personally recommend counselling, psychotherapy, and having close male heterosexual friends for moral, emotional and spiritual support.
For those who are closeted and fear disclosing their identities lest they face discrimination, here is an informative website:
But purposefully saying that nobody wants to be born a homosexual, can you say that God has failed in designing not just human beings but also all animals in the world? That homosexuality is part and parcel of natural design doesn't ring a bell?
someone who is not gay
can never understand what it is to be gay
Originally posted by gigabyte14:someone who is not gay
can never understand what it is to be gay
How true...
A Christian does not believe that a man and an animal is the same.
A Christian believes that man is of a higher creature than an animal, because Genesis tells us that God breathes life into Adam.
A Christian believes that homosexuality in man is different from homosexuality in animals, so both cannot be compared.
Here are two informative articles which will address Herzog_Zwei's comments:
Is the Born Gay Theory Accurate?
http://unhappygay.wordpress.com/is-the-born-gay-theory-accurateu/
Isn't the prevalence of homosexuality in the animal world proof that it's normal?
http://unhappygay.wordpress.com/isnt-the-prevalence-of-homosexuality-in-the-animal-world-proof-that-its-normal/
Originally posted by thetruthsetsyoufree:A Christian does not believe that a man and an animal is the same.
A Christian believes that man is of a higher creature than an animal, because Genesis tells us that God breathes life into Adam.
A Christian believes that homosexuality in man is different from homosexuality in animals, so both cannot be compared.
Here are two informative articles which will address Herzog_Zwei's comments:
Is the Born Gay Theory Accurate?
http://unhappygay.wordpress.com/is-the-born-gay-theory-accurateu/Isn't the prevalence of homosexuality in the animal world proof that it's normal?
http://unhappygay.wordpress.com/isnt-the-prevalence-of-homosexuality-in-the-animal-world-proof-that-its-normal/
And where the hell is god now? Not present or there was never a god? Thus your proof of righteousness is cannot be collabrated with. In fact, it can be said that there is no god that designed this world.
So please do not tell me that humans are born without instincts which is obviously present in animals. Yes, humans are part and parcel of the animal world but just with a higher intellect. So how much of the deviant activity must appear so that it can be classified as norm? So all your arguments that homosexuality is naturally wrong is insane.
In fact, if you ever present your articles in Singapore, they will suffer the same fate as Chick tracts: baseless and meant to confuse science with religious pseudo science.
according to the bible you're screwed anyway. Take your bible, tear out the pages and use them to wipe your ass with. Then put them in a ziplock bag and into an envelope and mail them to your church leader. And the Pope.
Christians believe in our Creator who made us, our Heavenly Father who will take care of us, and our God who sent His Son Jesus Christ to save us from our sins.
There is help and there is hope for homosexuals who are struggling against unwanted homosexual tendencies and desires. Change is possible.
As this, Eternal Hope, is a Christian forum, I am primarily speaking to Christians who believe in the Bible and who hold onto the promise of our Lord and Saviour who will deliver us from this wicked generation with His blood, and the Holy Spirit which preserves our souls from the deception of Satan.
What many would consider their worst nightmare has become a reality for Christopher Yuan. While attending dental school, he began living promiscuously as a homosexual and experimenting with illicit drugs. Within a few years, he was expelled from dental school, imprisoned for drug dealing and discovered that he was HIV positive.
But God has turned his nightmare into an exciting and inspiring story of redemption, grace and transformation. Christopher has an understanding heart for and a desire to minister to those working through sexual brokenness and to those living with HIV/AIDS. He speaks locally and internationally to youth, on college campuses, in churches and in prisons.
Christopher graduated from Moody Bible Institute in 2005 and Wheaton College Graduate School in 2007 with a Master of Arts in Biblical Exegesis and is currently pursuing his doctorate of ministry at Bethel Seminary.
http://www.christopheryuan.com/
WATCH THIS VIDEO:
Originally posted by thetruthsetsyoufree:Christians believe in our Creator who made us, our Heavenly Father who will take care of us, and our God who sent His Son Jesus Christ to save us from our sins.
There is help and there is hope for homosexuals who are struggling against unwanted homosexual tendencies and desires. Change is possible.
As this, Eternal Hope, is a Christian forum, I am primarily speaking to Christians who believe in the Bible and who hold onto the promise of our Lord and Saviour who will deliver us from this wicked generation with His blood, and the Holy Spirit which preserves our souls from the deception of Satan.
But nevertheless, this is a public forum so that better be some real scientific proof to back your words, else it's just psuedo science and nothing better than lies.
All the big roundabouts about only wanting to save people who are influenced to be homosexuals and he came back to saying homosexuals are not natural.
Originally posted by Herzog_Zwei:
How true...
Thank God for that.