Originally posted by lim li hao matthew:
he wan me to convert when we marry but i dun wan. can we get married?
i am female
and Buddhist
Can, if he is a very understanding person and you all make a mutual agreement to keep relationship and religion separate, and respect one another's freedom of religion. But if he is not this kind of person, better think twice, you might regrett.
Mutual respect begets harmony
How may a family whose members have different religions live together harmoniously?
One common principle that mankind all over the world abides by is the freedom of choice of religion and faith. A country may have different religions co-existing at the same time, such as Buddhism, Catholicism, Christianity or Islam. But, we have to understand that it is the condition arising from love that causes people to have families, parents and children. It is a good thing if the family is happy and blissful. However, if the family members bear different faiths, so long as each member keeps his faith to himself, refrain from slandering or debating over each otherÂ’s faith, but mutually respecting each otherÂ’s faith and character, then the family will naturally be harmonious.
Further, the younger generation ought to refrain from arguing with their elders because it is their parents who brought them up. Moreover, there is no purpose in arguing with them. We have to practise filial piety and be good so that we do them proud. Then, they will feel that their children are righteous, well behaved, and may willingly join us to learn about Buddhism. This will be ideal. Otherwise, it is not filial to constantly argue with them. When we learn and practise Buddhism, we have to exercise wisdom. With regards to differences in religions and faiths, as long as we maintain mutual respect, I believe, the family will be harmonious.
Freedom in choice of religion
If the children of a Buddhist family choose to marry a person of a different faith, will the marriage work out well?
Although a person may be a Buddhist himself, it is not necessary that his children must also Buddhists. We may, of course, promote and encourage our children to embrace Buddhism. However, we cannot force it upon them. Moreover, we should not object to their marriage just because their partners are from a different faith.
In this present age, everybody has the freedom to love and choose his or her own lifetime partner. Similarly, everyone has the freedom of choice of religion and faith. No religion can compel its followers (and their dependants) to only believe in that particular faith, and object to marriages outside that particular faith. I believe, as parents, with regards to their childrenÂ’s marriages, the primary concerns are the relationship between the two parties and how to guide their children in deciding their lifetime partners. Religion and faith are secondary factors; it is their happiness after the marriage that matters most of all. It would be useful for parents to counsel their children about the code of family ethics, such as the role and responsibilities of a husband and wife, and how to be good parents themselves. If they do not know how to live harmoniously and fulfil their responsibilities as husband and wife, or to be good parents, even if both of them believe in Buddhism, the marriage may still not work out well. If, for instance, the choice partner believes in a different faith, as a parent, one may promote the teachings of Buddhism so that he or she finds it acceptable. It will, of course, be good to establish a household based on the principles of Buddhism. If, meanwhile that cannot be achieved, one should adopt the Buddhist teaching of loving-kindness, compassion and equality towards all beings, in relation to the son-in-law or daughter-in-law. It is a good thing for a couple to bear the same faith and share the same principles and values, with both cultivating together and becoming partners on the Bodhi-path. It would be even better if they were eventually reborn in the Buddha-land.
