Principles of Christian Parenting
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I have started this thread to share my own experiences and opinions on how to be a good parent. Aside from any quotations that I may make (and credit duly given), the views expressed are entirely my own. I will not impose these opinions on anyone, but welcome any alternate comments you may have. All scriptural quotations are from the New International Version. I am also in now way making any claims that I am a perfect parent. I am just a regular guy trying to figure my way around.... and enjoying it.
Purpose of Parenthood
Guide – Provision of direction to enable child to make intelligent decisions as he grows
Proverbs 29:15-17 The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother. When the wicked thrive, so does sin, but the righteous will see their downfall. Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.
Hebrews 12:9-11 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
From the Biblical perspective, discipline is never the issue. It is understood that as parents, we need to discipline our children. It is also stated very clearly that discipline is unpleasant. However the result of the discipline overshadows any unpleasantry that may occur.
Mentor – Provision of conduit for emotional outlet as the child experiences life
Colossians 3:20-21 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Deuteronomy 4:9-10 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. 10 Remember the day you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, when he said to me, "Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children."
I like the Colossians verses. Unfortunately verse 20 is always overemphasized and verse 21 forgotten. While I had said that discipline is important and is unpleasant, there must be a check-and-balance and Col 3:21 provides it. Uncontrolled discipline will lead to child abuse.
Provider – Provision of input to ensure strong intelligence, physical, emotional and resilience quotient
Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Luke 2:51-52 Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.
A provider of the family typically seen is a person that brings home the bacon and surrounds the child with the various levels of comfort. The failing of some parents is that physical comfort is only ONE of the many areas such parents can provide. Many parents surround their children with comfort yet neglect the inner needs of these children which sometimes are fulfilled by dangerous external influences leading to these children not able to discern the rights from the wrongs.
In may ways, the three roles above are very similar, yet, I see subtle differences in each role, one can be a guide yet not a mentor and you will have only the installation of discipline. A mentor without being a guide, will result in a psychologist/patient scenario. To provide and not guide, may resulted in an over fattened child lacking in discipline. As the terminologies are my personal conclusion, each parent may need to seek what his role/s are with his charge.
Time permitting, I hope to continue this with The Worldview of a Child, Tools I'd used , and Issues I'd dealt with or will be dealing with. -
Pretty much sums it up as a parent, I do not disagree, nice of you to put it all in one place!
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The true challenge comes when your child reaches age of adolescence. And starts to develop a mind of his own.
Not to forget...newborn are just as challenging!
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Time permitting, I will write on how I have started planning to deal with it... having said that, I think God has given me good clays to work with.Originally posted by M©+square:The true challenge comes when your child reaches age of adolescence. And starts to develop a mind of his own.
Not to forget...newborn are just as challenging! -
Then you are a very blessed man!Originally posted by Chin Eng:Time permitting, I will write on how I have started planning to deal with it... having said that, I think God has given me good clays to work with. -
in my younger years, I wanted kids, but now seeing all my friends have kids and the babies... hmm sorta changed my mind on this one. Newborns are very very challenging. I salute any person who has the guts to become a parent! It is a big responsibility!Originally posted by M©+square:The true challenge comes when your child reaches age of adolescence. And starts to develop a mind of his own.
Not to forget...newborn are just as challenging! -
Indeed! What great blessings you have!Originally posted by Chin Eng:Time permitting, I will write on how I have started planning to deal with it... having said that, I think God has given me good clays to work with.
Shall we call for a celebration then?
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Originally posted by breytonhartge:in my younger years, I wanted kids, but now seeing all my friends have kids and the babies... hmm sorta changed my mind on this one. Newborns are very very challenging. I salute any person who has the guts to become a parent! It is a big responsibility!
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I celebrate each day when I reach home and see my boys.....Originally posted by M©+square:Shall we call for a celebration then?
....my 2000 pieces jigsaw puzzle is almost half completed.... -
I mean we.....US....EH!!!!Originally posted by Chin Eng:I celebrate each day when I reach home and see my boys.....
....my 2000 pieces jigsaw puzzle is almost half completed.... 
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You can say a prayer of thanksgiving to all the parents in EH.... and pray for those considering children....Originally posted by M©+square:I mean we.....US....EH!!!! -
OkOriginally posted by Chin Eng:You can say a prayer of thanksgiving to all the parents in EH.... and pray for those considering children.... 
I shan't disturb your thread anymore, please continue with your sharing. -
we practice the princples of "Growing Kids God's way" by Ezzo Gary & Anne Marie, they covers all the way to teenage years.
The goal of parenting is to teach our children the things of the Lord, to raise kids so that they will grow up to be responsible adults and not just obedience.
differences between the two,
obedient means follow the rules/laws.
responsible means want to do the right things even when rules/laws did not says so.
always believe we should teach them while they are young, and they will not depart from it when they grow up, that's why character building is important when they are young.
on the issue of discipline, lets just says, it must be both consistant and appropreiate.
God Bless. -
I fully agree.... in my house, I hardly use the word obedience, however I always emphasize responsibility....Originally posted by vince69:differences between the two,
obedient means follow the rules/laws.
responsible means want to do the right things even when rules/laws did not says so.
Responsibility in their chores, get them done at the time agreed upon
Responsibility in their school work, get them done as soon as possible
Responsibility in their lifes, I can't watch over them all the time
I don't like to refer to parenting books....
Part 2 coming up...... -
Part 2
LetÂ’s look at this from the childÂ’s angleÂ…..
There are basically three different factors that make the child.: Home, Environment, and Psychological Make-up
Home – The home is where the child should be getting most of the values and virtues that are to shape his life. When correctly used, it shapes the child’s moral backbone, instills responsibility, raises his personal standards and move him to greater things. Unfortunately many parents relinquish this responsibility to schools, nannies, or the grandparents citing the lack of time or being inexperience to do so. Failure to be responsible for the upbringing of the child usually result in a child that is unmoderated in behaviour and lacking in direction for his personal achievement. This is also the factor where the tools of bringing up a child should be largely used. On the negative side, if this influence is indiscriminately exercised, will bring about either a quick rebellion, or a total lack of motivation or turn the child into a bigot.
External Environment – This will include schools, media, surrounding outside the home, and friends. A child typically spends a large part of his life in this arena, but this arena is very likely to be uncontrollable by the parent. Without the boundaries set by Home, a child will pick up any value systems outside and will it take root, usually without the benefit of weighing the pros and cons of such value systems. Some parents overcome this by having a policy of exclusion, ie, exclude the child from the environment by excessive censorship, avoidance, prevention, or silence. Parents need to note that most children will spend more time in this external environment than the home. In that time, the child will be encountering various experiences that he can either decide that it is helpful, harmful or oblivious to. Without guidance, a child will just absorb any stimuli given to him without the benefit of the ability to filter the experience.
Psychological makeup – I don’t like this term, but I can think of any more appropriate words. This deals with the basic human makeup of any individual. A child can be born with enhanced abilities or in some unfortunate cases, defects. Contrary to some people motivators, not everyone’s born a genius. Many are just ordinary folks and some are born with disabilities. At the end of the day, the maximum potential anyone can go highly depends on how capable this person is, in view of what he is endowed with at birth. For the purpose of being practical, I will exclude the geniuses and naturally disabled in my discussion because their stimuli and tools needed for these two categories are very different than, say the majority of the population. While the home and the external environment are outside influences, this factor comes entirely from within. This factor is also the one where a parent has the least control.
The dynamic relationship played by these factors will eventually determined the growth of a child. A child may be born intelligent, but without the appropriate nurturing by the parents and adequate external stimuli, the intelligence will be unguided and may eventually go to waste. Likewise overly strong home influence may result in a child that is too shielded from the reality of life so much so that he is not able to react when heÂ’s left on his own. Or if the child has an excellent external environment like a good school, good friends, he may lack the moral guidance from his home and will grow up to be a clever yet detached individual without roots.
I am not a psychologist and the above are some of my opinions....which may be incorrect....
Coming soon (when time permits): The tools that I have used or am usingÂ…..