Two women friends, incredibly drunk and walking home got caught
short. They were very near a graveyard and one of them
suggested they do their business behind a head stone or
something.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she'd take
off her panties and use them, then throw them away. Her friend
however was wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't
want to ruin hers but was lucky enough to salvage a large
ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves and
proceeded to wipe herself with that. They then made off for
home.
The next day one woman's husband phoned the other husband and
said "We'd better keep an eye on our wives you know, mine came
home last night without her panties."
"That's nothing" said the other "Mine came back with a card
stuck between her ass that said 'From all the lads at the fire
station. We'll never forget you'."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here
and help me... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't
figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's
finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's
a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She
lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all
over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks
at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no
matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these
pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax.
Let's have a drink, then ..." he sighed, "let's put all these
Frosted Flakes back in the box."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm
the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism.
Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call
her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so
we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the
Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the
Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had
said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so
he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely
soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room
and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her,
he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks
in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He
gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I
think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you
think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing
the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People
are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
