afoul of that which vexes all men
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Here goes another story to add on to the ones in AA already sorry to all.
Ok, me and this girl, we're very close since 4 years ago. She's going to finish her diploma while I'm in the army now. Since last time, we always share our food and I always send her home cause her house quite close to mine. We were very close but once our O's ended in '05, she went to a polytechnic while I went to a JC.
Due to this, we didn't have much contact as we're busy with our own lives. Note, we're not an item, just very very good friends. However, once I was in JC, I realise I don't like her as a friend but more of a life companion, that gf-ish feeling. She didn't had a boyfriend during sec school days but people always mistook us for a couple. These past 3 years have been terrible as no matter how I tried to contact her, the flame will only last awhile and she'll disappear with her own stuffs. It always breaks my heart as no matter how hard I try, shit happens.
After graduating and going our separate ways, we only met less than 5 times since we graduated. She would either be busy or working as she always worked part time while studying. In 2006, I got to know that she got attached with this dude who's better than me in every aspect. She's with him now still btw. We would mostly meet up during her birthday and that will be only time I can spend with her alone, just us 2. However, with each year, the pain in my heart grew. The pain was too much to live with, but not enough to kill me. Now we only meet once a year and she has been calling me to meet up.
I can't bear to see her, every day every moment I think of her. I see her facebook/friendster laden with all the hapoy pictures of her and her boyfriend. Even though I can't live with the pain, I still go back to see the pictures. I look back at the neoprints and pictures we took when we were younger every week, wishing we could go back to how we were back then.
I need some advise on what should I do. My life revolves her. She's happy with her boyfriend and I cannot bear the sight of it. I can't go on living like this.
Sigh, I had a perfect life. Until I ran afoul of that which vexes all men.
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get another girl
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i had the same problem as you 8 years ago but i think i am at least 10 years older than you.. I think i know what u have been doing:
1) Hanging out in places when the both of you were together before. like eg. school campus , near her home ect
2) keeping old photographs or items which remind u of her
3) having feelings of obession, depression isolation, hopelessness and disappointment
4) stalking
5) trying to find out about her private life
6) Inferiority complex when u compare yrself with her and her life
7) place her on the pedestral like a goddess
8) you get the above feelings on certain times of the day or month or part of the year where they become intense
But i took it as something which occupy my mind. I mean look around you, there are people who have Nothing in their lives going on as a result walk around like zombies it could also be a motivating factor for you in many ways.
It could even help solve other problems like phobia of water , social events ect. I was a hot tempered guy until i met the girl. overall my lifec hanged totally and i became a different person after meeting her. . Whenever u think of her, try to go out like for a movie, or window shopping. Meet up with other friends u know of. Take a nap or after waking up, take a cold shower. Nap of 3-4 hours in the evenings usually helps dealing with depression of this sort. When the feelings get intense, moderate dosage of alcohol helps but iwould not recommend it as a full solution as drinking is bad for health amd is prone to addiction.
Another way is watching lots of movies like the horror genre where characters find themselves in a dilema. Its called movie theraphy and psychiatric institutions use it to treat patients with general emotional problems. yes like how u described, it vexes all men. Men are actually fixated obsessive people and love to objectify things. It is shwat irks us and vexes us all. But unlike women once we like a girl, we will at all costs try to attain her.
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Are u still in army? or going to U soon?
Why u suffer in such state is a total lack of self confident and lacking socialising attempt.
U keep on revolving around yr own comfortable times in the past and never willing to take the first step out to try other thing. Go and do some of yr hobby, something u are good and build up more of yr confident. That gal u like is happily living with other guy. If u really care for her.U shall feel happy for her. Then u will attain the ultimate lvl of of love..
Let other gal have the chance to share yr this ultimate lvl lof love...
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i think girls also do have these problems
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this does not applies to you... it applies to both gender....
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Originally posted by SPLIT SECOND:
i had the same problem as you 8 years ago but i think i am at least 10 years older than you.. I think i know what u have been doing:
1) Hanging out in places when the both of you were together before. like eg. school campus , near her home ect
2) keeping old photographs or items which remind u of her
3) having feelings of obession, depression isolation, hopelessness and disappointment
4) stalking
5) trying to find out about her private life
6) Inferiority complex when u compare yrself with her and her life
7) place her on the pedestral like a goddess
8) you get the above feelings on certain times of the day or month or part of the year where they become intense
But i took it as something which occupy my mind. I mean look around you, there are people who have Nothing in their lives going on as a result walk around like zombies it could also be a motivating factor for you in many ways.
It could even help solve other problems like phobia of water , social events ect. I was a hot tempered guy until i met the girl. overall my lifec hanged totally and i became a different person after meeting her. . Whenever u think of her, try to go out like for a movie, or window shopping. Meet up with other friends u know of. Take a nap or after waking up, take a cold shower. Nap of 3-4 hours in the evenings usually helps dealing with depression of this sort. When the feelings get intense, moderate dosage of alcohol helps but iwould not recommend it as a full solution as drinking is bad for health amd is prone to addiction.
Another way is watching lots of movies like the horror genre where characters find themselves in a dilema. Its called movie theraphy and psychiatric institutions use it to treat patients with general emotional problems. yes like how u described, it vexes all men. Men are actually fixated obsessive people and love to objectify things. It is shwat irks us and vexes us all. But unlike women once we like a girl, we will at all costs try to attain her.
i agree. completely agree.
i've never been in your position. but i've become "that" bf more than once. trust me, the girl is not thinking of you at all. move on.
i recall one of my exes had a stalker. he was obsessed with her. he thought they were good fds just because they talked on msn once in a while, and she met up with him once a month. but behind his back, she was always laughing at him .. posted all his desperate antics on her blog. her fds knew about him. it was absolutely rotten (and i broke up with her soon enough for other reasons). rich of me to say also, i had a suspicion he liked her, but he never say .. never say, fair game so i jiak la.
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wah, how come her bday she spend with u but not with her dude?
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its called obsession and may young people suffer from it.
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Originally posted by alwaysbemybaby:
Here goes another story to add on to the ones in AA already sorry to all.
Ok, me and this girl, we're very close since 4 years ago. She's going to finish her diploma while I'm in the army now. Since last time, we always share our food and I always send her home cause her house quite close to mine. We were very close but once our O's ended in '05, she went to a polytechnic while I went to a JC.
Due to this, we didn't have much contact as we're busy with our own lives. Note, we're not an item, just very very good friends. However, once I was in JC, I realise I don't like her as a friend but more of a life companion, that gf-ish feeling. She didn't had a boyfriend during sec school days but people always mistook us for a couple. These past 3 years have been terrible as no matter how I tried to contact her, the flame will only last awhile and she'll disappear with her own stuffs. It always breaks my heart as no matter how hard I try, shit happens.
After graduating and going our separate ways, we only met less than 5 times since we graduated. She would either be busy or working as she always worked part time while studying. In 2006, I got to know that she got attached with this dude who's better than me in every aspect. She's with him now still btw. We would mostly meet up during her birthday and that will be only time I can spend with her alone, just us 2. However, with each year, the pain in my heart grew. The pain was too much to live with, but not enough to kill me. Now we only meet once a year and she has been calling me to meet up.
I can't bear to see her, every day every moment I think of her. I see her facebook/friendster laden with all the hapoy pictures of her and her boyfriend. Even though I can't live with the pain, I still go back to see the pictures. I look back at the neoprints and pictures we took when we were younger every week, wishing we could go back to how we were back then.
I need some advise on what should I do. My life revolves her. She's happy with her boyfriend and I cannot bear the sight of it. I can't go on living like this.
Sigh, I had a perfect life. Until I ran afoul of that which vexes all men.
Yes, get another girl. Good boys not scared got no girls like....esp when they are a little bit handsum.
If you truly love her, you should swallow the pain and be STRONG for her....believe in her happiness found in her bf is real and true. IF even this kind of bitterness you also cannot tahan, then how is your next gf going to have confident in your love if she know/read about this?
This is not about you feeling unhappy and unable to take it because someone else have taken away your favorite toy in kindergarten. IT's all about HER! HER!! and HER!!!
The fact that she has been calling you to meet up shows how much she cherished you as her old friend and how she treasures those memories that both of you shared together during your life journey together back in your secondary school days. And you should do the same for her if you truly wants to be her friend and have her in your life. Most guys would've given up and ended the friendship with the girl because they got rejected or cannot be with the girl anymore, that's so childish behaviour of them...but like I've said, they are only guys....not MAN.
I do not deny the fact that she may have liked you during the secondary school days because of the time she chose to spend together with you. You must realise that she have grown up and matured in her thinking, so her priorities have also shifted in accordance to her present lifestyle. But your time have stopped at your secondary school time. This is because you have truly enjoyed the times you spent together with her back in your secondary school. And the more often you tries to playback those memories in your mind and quiet time, the less desire/motivation for your subconscious to move on from your secondary school days. You have caused yourself to stay back and repeat your secondary school times subconsciously without knowing it. If you find that the people around are beginning to be different around you and you are having problems socialising with them for some unknown reasons. It is the evidence that your society is warning you that you have overly stayed back in your past for too long a period of time. It is time for you to move on.
To force yourself to move on, you MUST temporarily removed all traces of her that is constantly reminding you of her at your surroundings, be it a photo, Music CDs that both of you shared together, Yearbook, SECRET PHOTOS
, and basically just about every thing that contained trace of memories of her and put them into a BOX/CHEST or even CONTAINER if you have to, and locked them all away from you.Depending on your own honesty and integrity, you are not to unlock that time capsule which contains the memories of her until you have moved on.
How do you know if you have moved on already or not? Hmm...if you can find another girl that makes you feel for a stronger sense of love/protection/welfare/lust than her, then I supposed you can unlock that time capsule. But if you felt a strong desire to unlock your time capsule and cheat on this, BEWARE that it is going to take you an EVEN longer period of time to move on. So cheat at your own discretion if you wish.
Unfortunately nobody have lived a perfect life, and the good news is, imperfection gives people the fear of losing their own lives. And I can safely say you're not a suicidal person.
So I wished you all the best in your lives, and you will find another girl that is more compatible with you.
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"splitsecond" u hit all the 8 points right
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put away everything that reminds u of her, get a gal, move on
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but one problem, its going to take another girl who is much better than her to convince him.But alwaysbemybaby will be so obsessed with his time capsule he will fail to notice the new girl is better than her.
So the solution is what i did, get a girl who resembles her in many ways.
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Thanks parn for the advise, I will try to do what you've advised but I don't think it's going to be easy. I can't stop thinking though but I will lock up everything soon.
Thanks again.
Btw SPLIT SECOND, your 8 points are very, very accurate. Thanks for your inputs too.
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Give her a 30k ring on her birthday, sure works wonders.
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Originally posted by alwaysbemybaby:
Thanks parn for the advise, I will try to do what you've advised but I don't think it's going to be easy. I can't stop thinking though but I will lock up everything soon.
Thanks again.
Btw SPLIT SECOND, your 8 points are very, very accurate. Thanks for your inputs too.
haha, been there, done it all before.
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Originally posted by parn:
Yes, get another girl. Good boys not scared got no girls like....esp when they are a little bit handsum.
If you truly love her, you should swallow the pain and be STRONG for her....believe in her happiness found in her bf is real and true. IF even this kind of bitterness you also cannot tahan, then how is your next gf going to have confident in your love if she know/read about this?
This is not about you feeling unhappy and unable to take it because someone else have taken away your favorite toy in kindergarten. IT's all about HER! HER!! and HER!!!
The fact that she has been calling you to meet up shows how much she cherished you as her old friend and how she treasures those memories that both of you shared together during your life journey together back in your secondary school days. And you should do the same for her if you truly wants to be her friend and have her in your life. Most guys would've given up and ended the friendship with the girl because they got rejected or cannot be with the girl anymore, that's so childish behaviour of them...but like I've said, they are only guys....not MAN.
I do not deny the fact that she may have liked you during the secondary school days because of the time she chose to spend together with you. You must realise that she have grown up and matured in her thinking, so her priorities have also shifted in accordance to her present lifestyle. But your time have stopped at your secondary school time. This is because you have truly enjoyed the times you spent together with her back in your secondary school. And the more often you tries to playback those memories in your mind and quiet time, the less desire/motivation for your subconscious to move on from your secondary school days. You have caused yourself to stay back and repeat your secondary school times subconsciously without knowing it. If you find that the people around are beginning to be different around you and you are having problems socialising with them for some unknown reasons. It is the evidence that your society is warning you that you have overly stayed back in your past for too long a period of time. It is time for you to move on.
To force yourself to move on, you MUST temporarily removed all traces of her that is constantly reminding you of her at your surroundings, be it a photo, Music CDs that both of you shared together, Yearbook, SECRET PHOTOS
,
and basically just about every thing that contained trace of
memories of her and put them into a BOX/CHEST or even CONTAINER if
you have to, and locked them all away from you.Depending on your own honesty and integrity, you are not to unlock that time capsule which contains the memories of her until you have moved on.
How do you know if you have moved on already or not? Hmm...if you can find another girl that makes you feel for a stronger sense of love/protection/welfare/lust than her, then I supposed you can unlock that time capsule. But if you felt a strong desire to unlock your time capsule and cheat on this, BEWARE that it is going to take you an EVEN longer period of time to move on. So cheat at your own discretion if you wish.
Unfortunately nobody have lived a perfect life, and the good news is, imperfection gives people the fear of losing their own lives. And I can safely say you're not a suicidal person.
So I wished you all the best in your lives, and you will find another girl that is more compatible with you.
Very very true.
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give yrself time. there are really a lot of pple out there with similar poblems. dont deprive yrself the agony too. all of us will have to go thru it someday.
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Originally posted by alwaysbemybaby:
Here goes another story to add on to the ones in AA already sorry to all.
Ok, me and this girl, we're very close since 4 years ago. She's going to finish her diploma while I'm in the army now. Since last time, we always share our food and I always send her home cause her house quite close to mine. We were very close but once our O's ended in '05, she went to a polytechnic while I went to a JC.
Due to this, we didn't have much contact as we're busy with our own lives. Note, we're not an item, just very very good friends. However, once I was in JC, I realise I don't like her as a friend but more of a life companion, that gf-ish feeling. She didn't had a boyfriend during sec school days but people always mistook us for a couple. These past 3 years have been terrible as no matter how I tried to contact her, the flame will only last awhile and she'll disappear with her own stuffs. It always breaks my heart as no matter how hard I try, shit happens.
After graduating and going our separate ways, we only met less than 5 times since we graduated. She would either be busy or working as she always worked part time while studying. In 2006, I got to know that she got attached with this dude who's better than me in every aspect. She's with him now still btw. We would mostly meet up during her birthday and that will be only time I can spend with her alone, just us 2. However, with each year, the pain in my heart grew. The pain was too much to live with, but not enough to kill me. Now we only meet once a year and she has been calling me to meet up.
I can't bear to see her, every day every moment I think of her. I see her facebook/friendster laden with all the hapoy pictures of her and her boyfriend. Even though I can't live with the pain, I still go back to see the pictures. I look back at the neoprints and pictures we took when we were younger every week, wishing we could go back to how we were back then.
I need some advise on what should I do. My life revolves her. She's happy with her boyfriend and I cannot bear the sight of it. I can't go on living like this.
Sigh, I had a perfect life. Until I ran afoul of that which vexes all men.
see la, got the chance to woo her u din launch massive attack... go find ur holy maiden...
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A complicated issue. But TS CANNOT LIVE WITH IT BUT CANT LIVE WITHOUT IT EITHER. TS STATED IT BEEN YEARS HE HAS BEEN LIKE THIS. IN ACTUAL FACT, TS HAS BECOME HABITUAL IN HIS EMOTIONAL BEHAVIOUR AND PATTERNS. OLD HABITS DIE HARD DUDES.
Its like a smoker or alcohol addict trying to quit though he feels the pain but he cant do it cos he cant live without them either.
I suggest continue life as normal and try out the remedies i stated earlier. u cant let go of the pain totally but u can try to ease it. it is the best approach bbecuase the easing effect will enable u to continue with the issue and at the same time doesnt deprive u of it since u cant live without it either.
Consider yourself as the sufferer. See it in this way. make yourself as a hero,
Heroes do suffer. think about yrself as one. It will boost yr self esteem.
Try to be more close to parents. Spend more time with them. I can see you are still young. But old people , working adults also do suffer from this kind of problems. But there is a problem i am foreseeing, I guess u have not finished your NS yet. Prepare yourself for a hard time because u are going to NS with such a emotional burden. Trust me, its going to be a hard life because there is more extra feelings coming in - Fear,Hatred and Anger . In this NS passage, you are going to feel all of this plus your existing problem due to your confinement in a prison like environment, everything is going to be elevated to a high level of emotional burden.
But please, i request u, do not try to illegal stayout, AWOL or keng MC to see the girl unless you know about your camp environment which you will get to know after 1 year of national service. many guys do it because of girlfriends or girls they want to meet. Some camps are pretty relaxed about discipline , while others are not. it depends on your luck. As for me , years ago, i had to live like a wanted man during NS and had to do a many cunning things like illegal stayout, just to meet the girl at her convienience. The feeling sucks, like a life of a criminal on the run. Thank god, its all over now. and mind you my NS at that time was 2 1/2 years stint compared to 1 year and 10 months of current. Thats pretty long and i was in doubt and confusion about the girl if i ever to be with her together. NS HAD PUT A TEMPORARY LONG OBSTACLE TO ALL PLANS I HAVE BEEN HAVING ABOUT THE GIRL.
i would suggest the following movie therapy for now
Unbreakable - Starring Bruce Willis. In this movie the main character is shown to have various emotional problems in his personal life and grappling with a special sixth sense he was born with .
The Sixth Sense - In this movie, the boy is suffering from the same emotional problems due to the visions of ghosts he has been seeing
Lady in the Water - In this movie, a girl from the fairy world gets lost in the human world and she holds a great responsibility and pain associated with it.Not only the girl, the man who helps her seems to suffer fom the responsibility of sending this girl back to her homeworld.
These movies are directed by M Night Shyamalan. most of his movies show a character who are suffering and the significance of this suffering.
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alwaysbemybaby, how is your progress?
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喜欢或爱是�需�拥有的。
有时在一边看�她的笑，
就�满足了。
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I think for time being it is best to cut off contact with her? Stop looking at all her pictures in facebook, frenster or wherever...it will only hurt you further. Maybe stop going out with her for a while to get over the whole episode...
And also find it in yourself to wish her the best in her life...you might have had a chance with her during your secondary school time but that time is past and over. So you have no choice but to give them your blessings as a good friend and move on.
I remember I heard this before...Being able to be with someone for life doesn't only depend on your depth of love towards him/her, but is also very much dependent on the right place and timing.
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Originally posted by Go:
喜欢或爱是�需�拥有的。
有时在一边看�她的笑，
就�满足了。
not true.