When I confront the wrongdoer's mother on why her child inflict injury on my child? The answer (very very calm) is she have told her child off.  No apologies. I pissed, trembling with anger.  How to cultivate patience when facing these kind of attitude?  I cannot scold, cuz this is feeding the past life kharmic debtor yet I'm so full of anger.  I chanted 6 syallabus.  Think and think : Do not add salt to the kharmic debtor, easier said than done.

go fishing or prawning?

Saw the Hai Tao Fa Si video, one who is mutilated many times by the King who is jealous of him talking to his concubines, could still talk with just the head left, pls cultivate buddhism.

How to be so compassionate. Love your enemy?!

believe karma..accept karma...reduce karma...

 

 

 

So she definitely is my kharma? She can provoke you and be so calm, I must keep quiet and accept it? Very difficult, Zacken.  I'm trembling with anger.

Will the chanting really help?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLEAacMXs8M

佛说十善业道经

 

唐于阗三藏法师实叉难陀译

 

如是我闻。一时，佛在娑竭罗龙宫，与八千大比丘众、三万二千菩萨摩诃萨俱。尔时，世尊告龙王言。一切众生，心想异故，造业亦异，由是故有诸趣轮转。龙王，汝见此会及大海中，形色种类，各别不耶？如是一切，靡不由心，造善不善，身业语业意业所致。而心无色，不可见取，但是虚妄，诸法集起，毕竟无主，无我我所。虽各随业，所现不同，而实于中，无有作者，故一切法皆不思议。自性如幻，智者知已，应修善业，以是所生蕴处界等，皆悉端正，见者无厌。龙王，汝观佛身，从百千亿福德所生，诸相庄严，光明显曜，蔽诸大众，设无量亿自在梵王，悉不复现，其有瞻仰如来身者，岂不目眩。汝又观此诸大菩萨，妙色严净，一切皆由修习善业福德而生。又诸天龙八部众等大威势者，亦因善业福德所生。今大海中所有众生，形色粗鄙，或大或小，皆由自心种种想念，作身语意诸不善业，是故随业，各自受报。汝今常应如是修学，亦令众生了达因果，修习善业。汝当于此，正见不动，勿复堕在断常见中，于诸福田，欢喜敬养，是故汝等，亦得人天尊敬供养。

 

龙王，当知菩萨有一法，能断一切诸恶道苦。何等为一？谓于昼夜，常念思惟观察善法，令诸善法念念增长，不容毫分不善间杂，是即能令诸恶永断，善法圆满，常得亲近诸佛菩萨及余圣众。言善法者，谓人天身、声闻菩提、独觉菩提、无上菩提，皆依此法，以为根本，而得成就，故名善法。此法即是十善业道。何等为十？谓能永离杀生、偷盗、邪行、妄语、两舌、恶口、绮语、贪欲、嗔恚、邪见。

 

龙王，若离杀生，即得成就十离恼法。何等为十？一、于诸众生，普施无畏。二、常于众生，起大慈心。三、永断一切嗔恚习气。四、身常无病。五、寿命长远。六、恒为非人之所守护。七、常无恶梦，寝觉快乐。八、灭除怨结，众怨自解。九、无恶道怖。十、命终生天。是为十。若能回向阿耨多罗三藐三菩提者，后成佛时，得佛随心自在寿命。

 

复次龙王。若离偷盗，即得十种可保信法。何等为十？一、资财盈积，王贼水火及非爱子，不能散灭。二、多人爱念。三、人不欺负。四、十方赞美。五、不忧损害。六、善名流布。七、处众无畏。八、财命色力安乐，辩才具足无缺。九、常怀施意。十、命终生天。是为十。若能回向阿耨多罗三藐三菩提者，后成佛时，得证清净大菩提智。

 

复次龙王。若离邪行，即得四种智所赞法。何等为四？一、诸根调顺。二、永离諠掉。三、世所称叹。四、妻莫能侵。是为四。若能回向阿耨多罗三藐三菩提者，后成佛时，得佛丈夫隐密藏相。

 

复次龙王。若离妄语，即得八种天所赞法。何等为八？一、口常清净，优钵华香。二、为诸世间之所信伏。三、发言成证，人天敬爱。四、常以爱语，安慰众生。五、得胜意乐，三业清净。六、言无误失，心常欢喜。七、发言尊重，人天奉行。八、智慧殊胜，无能制伏。是为八。若能回向阿耨多罗三藐三菩提者，后成佛时，即得如来真实语。

 

复次龙王。若离两舌，即得五种不可坏法。何等为五？一、得不坏身，无能害故。二、得不坏眷属，无能破故。三、得不坏信，顺本业故。四、得不坏法行，所修坚固故。五、得不坏善知识，不诳惑故。是为五。若能回向阿耨多罗三藐三菩提者，后成佛时，得正眷属，诸魔外道不能沮坏。

 

复次龙王。若离恶口，即得成就八种净业。何等为八？一、言不乖度。二、言皆利益。三、言必契理。四、言词美妙。五、言可承领。六、言则信用。七、言无可讥。八、言尽爱乐。是为八。若能回向阿耨多罗三藐三菩提者，后成佛时，具足如来梵音声相。

 

复次龙王。若离绮语，即得成就三种决定。何等为三？一、定为智人所爱。二、定能以智，如实答问。三、定于人天，威德最胜，无有虚妄。是为三。若能回向阿耨多罗三藐三菩提者，后成佛时，得如来诸所授记，皆不唐捐。

 

复次龙王。若离贪欲，即得成就五种自在。何等为五？一、三业自在，诸根具足故。二、财物自在，一切怨贼不夺故。三、福德自在，随心所欲，物皆备故。四、王位自在，珍奇妙物，皆奉献故。五、所获之物，过本所求百倍殊胜，由于昔时不悭嫉故。是为五。若能回向阿耨多罗三藐三菩提者，后成佛时，三界特尊，皆共敬养。

 

复次龙王。若离嗔恚，即得八种喜悦心法。何等为八？一、无损恼心。二、无嗔恚心。三、无诤讼心。四、柔和质直心。五、得圣者慈心。六、常作利益，安众生心。七、身相端严，众共尊敬。八、以和忍故，速生梵世。是为八。若能回向阿耨多罗三藐三菩提者，后成佛时，得佛无碍心，观者无厌。

 

复次龙王。若离邪见，即得成就十功德法。何等为十？一、得真善意乐、真善等侣。二、深信因果，宁殒身命，终不作恶。三、惟归依佛，非余天等。四、直心正见，永离一切吉凶疑网。五、常生人天，不更恶道。六、无量福慧，转转增胜。七、永离邪道，行于圣道。八、不起身见，舍诸恶业。九、住无碍见。十、不堕诸难。是为十。若能回向阿耨多罗三藐三菩提者，后成佛时，速证一切佛法，成就自在神通。

 

尔时，世尊复告龙王言。若有菩萨，依此善业，于修道时，能离杀害，而行施故，常富财宝，无能侵夺，长寿无夭，不为一切怨贼损害。离不与取，而行施故，常富财宝，无能侵夺，最胜无比，悉能备集诸佛法藏。离非梵行，而行施故，常富财宝，无能侵夺，其家贞顺，母及妻子，无有能以欲心视者。离虚诳语，而行施故，常富财宝，无能侵夺，离众毁谤，摄持正法，如其誓愿，所作必果。离离间语，而行施故，常富财宝，无能侵夺，眷属和睦，同一志乐，恒无乖诤。离粗恶语，而行施故，常富财宝，无能侵夺，一切众会，欢喜归依，言皆信受，无违拒者。离无义语，而行施故，常富财宝，无能侵夺，言不虚设，人皆敬受，能善方便，断诸疑惑。离贪求心，而行施故，常富财宝，无能侵夺，一切所有，悉以惠舍，信解坚固，具大威力。离忿怒心，而行施故，常富财宝，无能侵夺，速自成就，无碍心智，诸根严好，见皆敬爱。离邪倒心，而行施故，常富财宝，无能侵夺，恒生正见敬信之家，见佛闻法，供养众僧，常不忘失大菩提心。是为大士修菩萨道时，行十善业，以施庄严，所获大利如是。

 

龙王，举要言之，行十善道，以戒庄严故，能生一切佛法义利，满足大愿。忍辱庄严故，得佛圆音，具众相好。精进庄严故，能破魔怨，入佛法藏。定庄严故，能生念慧惭愧轻安。慧庄严故，能断一切分别妄见。

 

慈庄严故，于诸众生，不起恼害。悲庄严故，愍诸众生，常不厌舍。喜庄严故，见修善者，心无嫌嫉。舍庄严故，于顺违境，无爱恚心。

 

四摄庄严故，常勤摄化一切众生。

 

念处庄严故，善能修习四念处观。正勤庄严故，悉能断除一切不善法，成一切善法。神足庄严故，恒令身心轻安快乐。五根庄严故，深信坚固，精勤匪懈，常无迷妄，寂然调顺，断诸烦恼。力庄严故，众怨尽灭，无能坏者。觉支庄严故，常善觉悟一切诸法。正道庄严故，得正智慧常现在前。

 

止庄严故，悉能涤除一切结使。观庄严故，能如实知，诸法自性。

 

方便庄严故，速得成满，为无为乐。

 

龙王，当知此十善业，乃至能令十力、无畏、十八不共、一切佛法，皆得圆满，是故汝等应勤修学。

 

龙王，譬如一切城邑聚落，皆依大地而得安住，一切药草卉木丛林，亦皆依地而得生长。此十善道，亦复如是。一切人天，依之而立，一切声闻独觉菩提、诸菩萨行、一切佛法，咸共依此十善大地，而得成就。

 

佛说此经已，娑竭罗龙王及诸大众、一切世间天人阿修罗等，皆大欢喜，信受奉行。

 

（佛说十善业道经　经文摘自《乾隆大藏经》第六十七册、七九五页。）

 

Tell your child in front of her face, "next time harr must beat up her harr" but like that teach child wrong things.  

Originally posted by Luckysix:

So she definitely is my kharma? She can provoke you and be so calm, I must keep quiet and accept it? Very difficult, Zacken.  I'm trembling with anger.

Will the chanting really help?

erm..for ur case now..u wouldnt be able to chant with a peaceful heart..

 

i will rather u jus relax n listen to om ma ni peh meh hung CD..

Dear all,

 

 

when a person is in a very unstill emotion...what she need is comfort and direction to right path..

 

if u trying to be funny and start passing unwholesome remarks..u r creating very negative karma...and such karma return will be very fast..

 

so dear all...please refrain from passing negative remarks to luckysix...

 

 

thank you

 

 

rgds,

 

Zacken...

Well, when people can provoke you and be calm, your emotions will be like a volcano. I did that once. But I did become sarcastic and turned the tables. But my sister was easily provoked.

 

thanks.  She ask same thing, do you want me to beat her up? I say no, I want you to bring your daughter to a doctor, she is self multilating herself! Oh she ever so calmly replied, thank you for your concern, I know what to do.  I salute her, so calm, so no sense of shame, so no sense of apologies.

So which "tao" will she go to?

Originally posted by Luckysix:

thanks.  She ask same thing, do you want me to beat her up? I say no, I want you to bring your daughter to a doctor, she is self multilating herself! Oh she ever so calmly replied, thank you for your concern, I know what to do.  I salute her, so calm, so no sense of shame, so no sense of apologies.

So which "tao" will she go to?

Well, do you think role playing will help? For example, I will tell her, "I'm sure you know what to do. You do the same with your hair."

Originally posted by Luckysix:

thanks.  She ask same thing, do you want me to beat her up? I say no, I want you to bring your daughter to a doctor, she is self multilating herself! Oh she ever so calmly replied, thank you for your concern, I know what to do.  I salute her, so calm, so no sense of shame, so no sense of apologies.

So which "tao" will she go to?

hahaha...dun worry abt which tao she will go to...all action will definitely had a rebound action...

 

positive inccur positive

 

negative inccur negaive..

 

fair n square...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPszteX0z7k

:o

And the husband finally say something. You expect me to side you? You want to win!  So a man will not protect his children, or his wife. 

The wrongdoer can continue to reign, do anything wrong do not have to say sorry.  Her child cut her bend of arm with penknife and asked my girl to try it.  When I confront her, do you know it is dangerous, Oh I have told her off, full stop.  Absolutely no remorse!

And I can offer advice bring her to see doctor.  I'm trying to be compassionate, So so so ?

I can understand your feelings of grievance and sense of injustice because the mother of the child who inflicted injury on your daughter refused to apologize or showed any remorse. But she did not intentionally provoke you, you are making yourself angry because you are feeling 委屈 due to your concern for your well being of your daughter.

 

Put yourself in her shoes, she might be feeling ashamed and anxious that her own daughter practise self-multilation, but due to her pride and ego, she finds it difficult to show her anxiety and apologetic feelings outwardly to you.

 

Perhaps your husband feels that arguing with her will not solve the issue so he did not side you, not because he does not want to protect his family.

hi. sorry. just my 2cents. i'm only 20 years old so maybe you will find my advice very noob.

i used to be really impatient and easily angered.

but one day, my father told me something which is, calmness and happiness and about every emotions we have, is a choice. he said that things or people can't really make us angry or happy. everything comes from within ourselves.

i find that especially true for happiness. but i understand too, that sometimes, people DO have the ability to make you upset or angry. but when you are feeling such things, quickly focus on inner peace.

i think many people continue building more and more anger or sadness because they keep thinking of it.

like you, you keep thinking why this woman so calm? why my husband never side with me? you are already coming up with more and more thoughts on why you should feel angry.

let me tell you, the past is the past. it has happened and is over. please focus on now. also, please do not think about revenge and trying to get the last line or something. it can only create more hate and it will be neverending. it is also meaningless.

let it go and it will not bother you anymore. or maybe try to see the funny side of this and laugh and get over it.

easier said than done. but i have done it, so i don't see why you can't do it too.

cheers!

Very well said from both metblue n applesweetgirl.

you didnt mention how old is both the young girl. wat i want to say is not all kids can tell wat is right n wat is wrong. If not they wont be call kids.

 If u said u r tremble with anger, i dun think how well ur tone can be , and in such condition , u ask them to bring their kid to see doc, i doubt how compassion it can sounds. I mean u think u sounds compassion but to them it might sound sarcastic.

LAst but not least, if u wanna practise buddhism, the tot of negative karma to other party should not be the reason u stop arguing with them or think of such aftermate.

In every event , there are postive n negative lesson to learn from. hope from the issue, ur kid learnt that self-multilation is wrong

Unclench ur fist.

thank you all, for your advices.

 

Her child is 12 while my child is 6.5yrs.  Her child learnt that by telling her mummy first before I do, will save her a beating, although she was often beaten for the wrong reasons.  My child have learnt not to play with her anymore, which is unachievable.

 

Yes, you are all very right, the tone of mine was of reprimand, of confrontation and that calm face really pissed me off. 

 

Somehow, she is entitled to think that her marriage failed because her mother forced her to get married, so she have every reason to sponge on her mother for as long as she could; bully the maid without thinking the employer have to bear the consequences for her... the list goes on.

 

This have been moving round and round in circles.  Seems that the only action is now "inaction".

if u feel that u lend a helping hand to her situation without making u lose ur calm, try to do so. if not, try not to contact them.

like u have say, since u feel that she's your karmic debtor.. just accept it & move on.

one way to relieve ur anger would be to conscious of the fact that you are very anger. then probe the reason why you are so angry because of her. You might get alot angrier, but  after that, recall the karmic law, the fact that she's here because you own her a karma debt. And that in 1 of ur previous life, you have make her felt as angry or even suffer much worse than you now. that's y she's here. there is now a reason for ur suffering, most probably you wont feel as victimized and angry.    

I think this is what zacken meant by "believe karma, accept karma.reduce karma."

I understand your moving round and round in circles thingy. I am in quite a similar situation like you with my close friend who alway betray my trust and exploit me. I often get angry. but recently i came to accept it and move on. hope u can do it 2. =)